Evan Nabavian has feelings only he and Lebron know Spring brings to mind my hot seventh grade math teacher who, come April, went sleeveless and changed the course of my academic career. I lingered after class on the last day of school but she never tore her clothes off. It was not meant to be […]

Evan Nabavian was the first responder at Andre Rison’s four alarm blaze I’m 24. I have thick eyebrows and stubble that never really goes away. People tell me I look like the Grinch and sound like Darth Vader. They suggest I smile more. They should see me when I listen to “Weak” by Angel Taylor. […]

Evan Nabavian only drives drunk on Wednesdays. On “The D.U.I. Song” Starlito narrates a night that begins with a few beers and ends wrapped around a telephone pole. He makes the Saved by the Bell reference before you can, and the characters, plot, and setting reveal a deft storyteller with a firm grasp of narrative. Starlito […]

There’s the idyllic winter night in New York – Kevin McCallister reuniting with his mom under the Rockerfeller Center Christmas tree after thwarting Harry and Marv yet again – and then there’s reality: convincing yourself that that $9 burrito is worth braving the haunted wastes of Manhattan. When I’m facing wind that feels like it’s […]

Evan Nabavian is the lizard king. Hiroshi Yamauchi stories are the best. When the late Nintendo boss couldn’t find his driver, he had one of the company’s engineers drive him to a meeting. On the way, the engineer spoke to fill the silence – the boss didn’t talk much. The engineer recalled seeing a man […]

I’ll make this quick because I’m hearing things that suggest I’ve worn out my welcome at this particular Dunkin Donuts like, “This guy needs to buy more than two munchkins every hour to use our WiFi” and “Why the fuck does he think it’s OK to take his shoes off?” Fall is a bullshit season, […]

Evan Nabavian invented grape Kool-Aid. The other day my boss said something like, “Let’s review your report tomorrow?” “Bong bong,” I said. A pause. “Indeed.” Read any RZA interview in the past ten years and you’ll get the “Wu-Tang Forever” spiel about the influence of the Wu in the world today. Drake echoed those sentiments […]

Evan Nabavian founded Zagat. Some six years ago, the bros and I convened at the now-shuttered Scobee diner in Little Neck, Queens for our last meal together before heading our separate ways for college. Of the six bros, three would head upstate to cow country, one to Wisconsin, and one to Harlem. Me? I would […]

Evan Nabavian sold more powder than Johnson and Johnson. Inviting your friends over to remix Biggie songs is a really dumb idea unless you’re DJ House Shoes and your friends are today’s eminent left field rap producers. Shoes sent Biggie Smalls acapellas to his buddies and came back with a pack of experimental remixes, a […]

French Montana paid Evan Nabavian for this post in bottles of Tej. Sometimes the most effective singers aren’t singers. Outside of Biz Markie, ODB, Ja Rule, and Lil Wayne, I’ll cite “Stay Schemin” where French Montana goon-croons a hook that logically should have been sung by Drake or any given R&B princeling. But maybe the […]