Not only is this a tremendous victory for wearers of handle-bar mustaches everywhere, but now, men named Goose can hold their heads high and no longer will be mistaken for sundry farm ganders. And yes, in case you were wondering, this post mainly exists because there are few names in the English language more fun […]

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  If home is where you hang your hat then Silverlake is rapidly turning into the world’s largest hat rack. Over the past 12 months, it has become de rigueur in hipster courting rituals for male hipsters (homo habilus hipstericus) to trot out increasingly ridiculous pieces of vintage head-ware in an effort to woo the […]

  Hipsters do the darndest things. First, it was the Hamburgler stripes and the Madonnoteven close “leggings and then it was the fedoras and the American apparel “lame headbands.” Incidentally, they’re actually called “lame headbands,” you aren’t being ironic, you’re just being retarded. But I digress, you see a new trend has arisen out of […]

This week marked the release of one of this year’s most anticipated rap albums, T.I. Vs. Tip., the follow-up to 2006’s T.I.’s hit King, a record that was best summarized by Ian Cohen in just four words: colossal waste of beats. So far, the buzz on T.I. Vs. Tip has been mostly negative, with its […]

Dear Sir, I wanted to thank you so much for wearing that see-through crocheted black nipple-shirt while you were working out today. The fellas’ and I were talking about it in the locker room and agreed that there truly aren’t enough people comfortable displaying nipple in public. You, sir, are a fashion pioneer. Why bother […]

The Setting: Jay-Z’s lavish offices at Def Jam Headquarters in Manhattan. Reclining in his leather chair, Jay throws his S. Dot kicks up on his mahogany desk and lights a Cohiba Cigar with a $100 bill. Suddenly, he hears a knock at the door. Jay-Z: Holla at ya boy! The door opens. Pete Wentz walks […]

In “Homage” of David Cross Life is good my friends. Why? Because as I was walking around town, I stumbled across the latest copy of the Learning Annex, the magazine that will help me fulfill my dreams. Just imagine taking Improv Courses from Wayne “One Funny Chapelle Sketch Does Not Mean I’m Funny” Brady, or […]

Setting: Betty Goldstein P.h.D’s lavishly appointed office in downtown Atlanta. Young Jeezy sits nervously on a plush couch, twiddling his fingers, alternately staring at the thick wool carpet and into the eyes of his new psychiatrist, Betty Goldstein, a middle-aged woman in a Chanel suit and a Marge Simpson-block of hair. Betty Goldstein: Now, Jeezy, […]

In my ongoing quest to shed light on humanity’s flaws, poor decision-making capabilities and love of talentless musicians, I present an occasional column debuting in 2007: The Worst Ideas Ever. The Worst Ideas Ever is about exactly what you think it is: the dumbest most drug-addled things that mankind has ever produced. With that in […]