Support our Patreon for more definitely not fake anime scripts.
Jordan Ryan Pedersen has never watched Cowboy Bebop.
On May 15th, Light in the Attic Records will release Pacific Breeze Volume 2: Japanese City Pop, AOR & Boogie 1972-1986. The compilation includes Momoko Kikuchi’s “Blind Curve,” the jaunty synth-pop ditty that served as the theme song for ハンサムな船を愛した女性 (Hansamuna Fune o Aishita Josei), an acclaimed anime from the early 1990s.
In light of the occasion, Passion of the Weiss is proud to present an exclusive excerpt from the localized pilot script for Hansamuna Fune o Aishita Josei. Hansamuna is the story of Yuki Takahashi, a self-possessed 22-year-old sailor who’s making waves – pun intended! – as the youngest captain of a superyacht in recent memory, despite her being from a working class background. Unfortunately, Hofuna Rokudenashi – the yacht she captains – happens to be haunted by the spirit of the rich, cocky former captain of the yacht who perished at sea. The opening of the show finds Yuki frantically trying to pull off a fancy fete to celebrate the rechristening of her ship. But not if Hofuna – also the name of the spirit haunting the ship – has anything to say about it!
EXT. YACHT DECK – DUSK
Beneath a quickly setting sun, crew members hustle and bustle around the deck of a massive superyacht fit for a king or the guy who invented Minecraft. They are setting up tables, stringing up lights, and putting out a decadent-looking buffet.
YUKI TAKAHASHI, 22, confident enough to sell plane tickets to an eagle, checks her watch.
YUKI
(gasping)
The guests arrive in ten minutes!
She spots a nervous-looking deckhand rushing by with a gigantic pot full of gazpacho.
YUKI
You there!
He stops in his tracks, and the gazpacho splashes all over his pristine white uniform.
DECKHAND
Uhhhhh, yes, miss, what is it??
YUKI
Is that soup in that pot?
DECKHAND
Yes miss, also on my uniform and a little bit on the deck I think.
YUKI
It’s July! How can you serve soup when it’s 95 degrees outside?
Yuki walks up to the deckhand and puts her nose directly up to his.
DECKHAND
But uh miss…
YUKI
What kind of a MORON makes steaming-hot food when it’s 95 degrees outside? If I dip my finger into this, I will surely burn it despite the fact that the wood underneath my feet is itself nearly boiling!
An abstract animation appears behind Yuki and the sound rises as she arcs her arm up in the air in exaggerated slow-motion.
YUKI
I’M ABOUT TO FEEL THE HEAT!
Her finger dips into the soup.
YUKI
Um. This is ice-cold.
DECKHAND
(eyes shut)
Yes ma’am, it’s gazpacho, an Andalusian dish made of raw vegetables traditionally served –
YUKI
I KNOW WHAT GAZPACHO IS!
The deckhand falls over with a resounding clunk. Soup goes everywhere.
A single teardrop appears on Yuki’s face.
YUKI
I’m sunk!
A pool of magical-looking water appears behind her on the deck. Out of it emerges a handsome man with a shock of red hair and a mustache to match. This is HOFUNA.
YUKI
Who the devil are you?!
HOFUNA
Ha ha ha, silly woman! Are you so ignorant that you don’t know that I am Hofuna Rokudenashi? The greatest yacht captain of all time! In fact, I was once the captain of this very ship! And I have returned to watch over her to ensure that no harm comes to her!
YUKI
Once? What happened to you?
HOFUNA
I perished nobly at sea!
Yuki cautiously approaches the spirit and extends her hand towards him. It passes through as if passing through a fountain of water. She jumps back in horror. Pants for a second. Then she narrows her eyes.
YUKI
Wait a minute…I heard about you! You died trying to use the ship’s microwave to cook a Lean Cuisine with the fork still stuck in it!
She falls over laughing hysterically. Embarrassment lines form over Hofuna’s face. He growls. Then shakes it off.
HOFUNA
Ha ha ha it is no matter! You are clearly unfit to be the captain of this ship. Serves them right for putting a WOMAN in charge. How are you expected to be captain of a ship when you have such a long, elegant face, gleaming emerald eyes, and a smile that melts my heart?
There’s a beat as Yuki looks back at him confused.
HOFUNA
(regaining himself)
I mean, um, you are ugly! And a bad ship’s captain! You will fail!
There’s a sudden splash of water, and he is gone.
Yuki gasps.
YUKI
Oh no! I’m in love with the dead captain whose spirit haunts my ship!
The credits roll. “Blind Curve” by Momoko Kikuchi plays.
