Torii MacAdams never fucked with Big Love
Sauce Walka – “Wack 2 Wack”
After “Wack 2 Wack,” there’s no longer a “Drake”–he’s been reduced to a pile of irradiated ash perched delicately on Serena Williams’ bicep, where he was last seen sniveling. “Wack 2 Wack” is a series of remarkably cruel insults, insinuations, and accusations levelled at Toronto’s most fragile homunculus. Sauce Walka calls Drake a “cracker,” and says he got gonorrhea from stripper/phallic leech Jhonni Blaze, draws “Digimons,” “Pokemons”, and dicks when he’s bored (like Jonah Hill’s character Seth in Superbad), and warns him “Don’t piss off Serena/Before she turn you to Tina.” The pH scale simply doesn’t have a number that expresses the degree of acidity in “Wack 2 Wack”–it’s jaw-dropping, forehead-slapping, borderline unbelievable.
Despite rumors earlier this year (fueled by both Drake and the Sauce Twinz) that there would be a Drake remix to the Twinz’ “2 Legited 2 Quited,” “Wack 2 Wack” has been in the offing for months. During Drake’s Houston Appreciation Weekend, Sauce Walka took to Twitter and Instagram to register his disgust at Drake’s blithe thievery of Houston’s sound and slang; in return for their obeisance, Drake rewards the city with a few shows for fans and a few dollars for strippers. The pint of lean that broke the camel’s proverbial back was Drake That Sauce Walka would dare spit in the eye (metaphorically, probably) of an exceedingly emotional steroid user is unsurprising–it’s the blitzkrieg which shocks and awes.
Drake is a filter through which a generation’s status- and self-obsession passes, and he’s unlikely to respond to “Wack 2 Wack” because Sauce Walka isn’t famous. What could he say? Sauce Walka isn’t rich? That his rhyme book doesn’t have a bunch of fat, veiny dicks, just a few little ones? That he wasn’t that scared when Sauce Walka approached him at Del Frisco’s?
DOOMSTARKS – “Lively Hood”
“Lively Hood” is pretty good. But taking that as a guarantor of album-length quality is foolhardy. There’s not a single, recent project from either Ghostface or MF Doom’s discography which should inspire confidence–can anyone claim, with a straight face, that they loved NehruvianDOOM, or that either volume of Twelve Reasons to Die was anything more than a shadow’s shadow of Ghost’s former self?
The saving grace for DOOMSTARKS (or whatever they’re calling the album this week) might be that, shorn of third-rate collaborators, the unburdened Metal Face Terrorist and Tony Starks can return to the intricately filigreed lyricism which made them natural companions. If not that, then perhaps the two can curate what may or may not be nearly a decade’s worth of unreleased material.
Young Thug – “Best Friend”
The strangeness and surreality of Young Thug’s videos are finally catching up with his music. Liberal exercise of Second Amendment rights and tacit advocation for cannabis’ legality on camera are rap tropes. Thug’s made those videos, and they’re unremarkable. There’s a Southern Gothic quality to “Best Friend,” though. Thug’s black-clad compadres dance on terraced clearings in densely wooded areas, the implied Evil Thugger chauffeurs Regular Thugger and argues with him, and his disembodied head is served as a dinner’s main course. Thugger, turned Faulkner.
Wale – “Spoiled”
People enjoy Wale, which is like owning a copy of Atlas Shrugged, or vacationing in Tampa Bay. There’s no legal precedent denying your right to these things, but that’s more a legislative shortcoming than tacit encouragement.
Juvenile – “Fuck You & Your Bitch 2”
“Fuck You & Your Bitch 2” was produced by London On Da Track, who was born in 1991. “Bounce (For The Juvenile)” was released on D.J. Jimi’s It’s Jimi in 1992, and Kilo-G’s EP The Sleepwalker was released on Cash Money the same year. In London’s lifetime, Juvenile’s gone from arguably making the first bounce song, to a life-threatening asbestos removal job, to national stardom, then a slow decline into nostalgia-tinted semi-relevance. Whether or not “Fuck You & Your Bitch 2” is good (It’s solid.) is almost immaterial–Juvenile’s alive and he’s avoided long-term incarceration. Those are near-miracles for a 40-year old rapper from New Orleans.
Cam & China – “Run Up”
There’s something about g-funk, and it’s current, Mustardy iteration, that fits female vocalists like Lady of Rage’s leather gloves. Cam & China possess the same intensity as their afro puffed predecessor, with added lyrical sharpness and the innate understanding siblings (usually) share. Ultimately, comparing Cam & China solely to other female rappers does a disservice to the twins–they’re excellent rappers regardless of gender, who regularly outpace many of their Y chromosome-bearing brethren.
Meow The Jewels – “Oh My Darling Don’t Meow” (Just Blaze Remix)
We’ve reached the point of no return for Meow The Jewels, haven’t we? The cat’s out of the bag, so to speak? Despite its charitable intentions, I can only endorse Meow The Jewels on a conceptual level. On a practical level–hold onto your butts, because this may come as a shock–remixing an album with cat sounds only results in a bunch of warped cat sounds, not rap in a form that most listeners would find redeeming and enjoyable. It’s a ridiculous, near-impossible conceit, and there’s probably not a producer in the world who could make it listenable.
