Torii MacAdams is naming his rap group Shameless Puigs
Def Loaf ft. Kevin Gates – “Me U & Hennessy (Remix)”
Kevin Gates’ verse includes the lyrics “When me ‘n’ Dej Loaf sixty-nine, wonder why it be hard to describe/She don’t mind gargling.” Somewhere in Englewood, Chicago, Lil Durk’s laptop just made an ignominious exit through a window pane.
Camp Lo – “Black Jesus”
I really want to like this song more than I do. Ski Beats’ instrumental feels either over-polished or overly-reverent, but I can’t decide which. Sonny Cheeba and Geechy Suede haven’t lost more than a step or two, but as 1990’s edge further out of sight, so too does the consistency of the generation’s rap legends. Camp Lo’s Ragtime Hightimes is due to be released on the 19th. I hope it’s great.
Fetty Wap ft. Azealia Banks, Gucci Mane, Quavo – “Trap Queen (Remix)”
Gucci Mane is imprisoned, but has somehow released seven projects in 2015 alone. Yes, seven. This is reportedly a result of trusted engineers sorting through the 13 songs per day (!) he recorded pre-incarceration, before speaking to Gucci and playing him the newest concoctions and amalgams. Only after songs receive Gucci’s imprimatur are they released. This is how he can do things like rap alongside Migos’ team captain and a depth perceptionless rapper on a remix, and still have material left over for forthcoming projects, prison or no prison.
The version (or versions) of Gucci Mane that appear on the “Trap Queen” remix are solid, but the song’s in dire need of more Quavo. Most things are in dire need of more Quavo.
Fetty Wap ft. Drake – “My Way”
Since Drake is more “trapped queef” than “Trap Queen,” Fetty Wap relegated Toronto’s bushiest eyebrows to the “My Way” remix. In a career of outlandish and clearly fictional claims, Drake bests himself: “We’re just so much smarter than them.” This is a jaw-dropping falsehood. Drake probably isn’t the dumbest person in the room at all times, but he also shouldn’t be the smartest person in the room if that room also contains pointy objects, highly flammable materials, or any sort of weaponry used since the beginning of the Bronze Age. He is allowed to be the smartest person in the room if that room is a bouncy castle.
Vince Staples – “Senorita”
The only thing Vince Staples’ music lacks is a sense of humor, but this a nitpicking non-objection to the West’s most promising young rapper. Staples’ full length debut is going to be the best Def Jam release since…Staples’ previous EP, 2014’s Hell Can Wait.
Miguel ft. Wale – “Coffee Fucking”
How many penises are going to be rushed to urgent care because they were stuck into brutally hot coffee? How many of those penises are going to be Wale’s? We ask the tough questions at Passion of the Weiss.
Jadakiss & Styles P – “Block Work”
Speaking of tough questions, Street Pulitzer Prize nominee Jadakiss has also been known to make biting inquiries. Inquiries like “Why did Bush knock down the towers?” and “Do you really think jet fuel can melt steel beams?” When he’s not investigating 9/11, Jadakiss also raps. “Block Work” includes the line “My guns Splash Brothers/I call ‘em Curry and Klay.” Which leads us to…
E-40 – “Choices (Yup) (Warriors Remix)”
The Golden State Warriors version of “Choices” joins Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Not In Our House” and DJ Paul & Drumma Boy’s “We Don’t Bluff” as the best songs made about basketball teams. Unlike the Kemp-Payton Sonics squads or the “Grit & Grind” Grizzlies, this Warriors team is led by relative choirboys Steph Curry and Klay Thompson, whose parents control his bank account and dole him out an allowance. Loudmouth Draymond Green and comic book goon-looking Marreese Speights are the most obviously “rap” dudes on the Warriors. Constant cross-matching on defense and death-from-above floor spacing aren’t the most gangster basketball strategies, but they’ve already earned the Warriors the greatest thing an athlete can achieve–an E-40 shoutout.
