“Once a bitch always a bitch, what I say.”
― William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury
Haley Potiker prefers candy paint to candied yams
Cam Sheely – “All The Money” prod. by Ducko Mcfli and WondaGurl
On “All The Money,” Cam Sheely follows in the footsteps of literary giants Ernest Hemingway, T.S. Eliot, and J. Cole in exploiting a troubled woman’s story to drive his work. Over dark, throbbing production, Sheely recounts the bleak tale of a female exotic dancer he knows, dispensing advice, insight, and thinly veiled contempt from behind a thick shield of studio glass. This is a metaphor, as this song was most likely recorded in a bedroom or broom closet.
The damsel in distress at the center of Sheely’s tale remains unnamed throughout the song’s runtime, an artistic choice which makes his interpretation of her experience seem universal to his understanding of the women he surrounds himself with. It’s anonymity that was never afforded to famous muses Zelda Fitzgerald and Courtney from Hooter’s on Peachtree.
Poptartpete – NutellaBlack – “Hardcore Parkour”
Tensions have been running high at the skate park between long-haired skateboarder dorks and people who are just trying to mind their own business and practice the most awesome alternative sport, parkour. Obviously, OBVIOUSLY, Poptart Pete (or maybe Nutella Black, SoundCloud doesn’t want me to know) is one of the parkour enthusiasts. You think he would hang out with those pussy skateboarders? Quarter pipes are for backflips, talk shit and Pete’ll kickflip your upper lip. When asked for a statement about no-good skateboarding jerks, Nutella Black Or Maybe Poptart Pete had this to say:
“I’m gonna go to your house/ Do a front flip off your step and kick you in the mouth/ Because parkour is the best/ Fuck skateboarding, you cannot contest/ Against my awesome skills/ I can run away from cops better than you and I never take a spill/ All y’all niggas suck/ Fuck you and your trucks/ What’s up.”
Black Dave X J $tash – “ODEE”
“Big blunts filled up with Sour D/ Why roll one when you could roll three?”
Black Dave and J $tash can’t help you move. They aren’t going to pick up your dry cleaning. They won’t dog-sit. Why? They’re too busy smoking until they O.D. This is short for “overdose,” which is something that happens when you take too much of one drug. We at Passion of the Weiss believe the illicit drug the hooligans are indulging in is marijuana, or Cannabidaceae. However, in my research, I discovered that humans actually can’t die from this, so logically, it follows that Dave and $tash are liars.
Baro – “Bears feat. Venus Court” prod. by ESESE
“Bears” is a Shwayze-inspired dramatic reading of the classic fable Goldilocks and the Three Bears performed by Baro, a 17-year-old rapper and self-proclaimed “King of the Sandpit” from Melbourne, Australia.
In his iteration of the tale, after Goldilocks sent him signal via Bluetooth Wireless Technology™, it was Baro himself who rescued his damsel from a life of vicious bears and vacillating between lukewarm and over-hot porridge. Celebrating his love for Goldilocks, Baro sings,
“You’re my honey you’re my girl you’re my bluetooth / We connect like one two, too / I never knew you could be so true.”
Of course, anyone with a moderate understanding of telecommunication would be surprised by this. Bluetooth, a wireless technology standard for exchanging data over short distances from fixed and mobile devices, is known to be somewhat erratic.
Baro’s love for the telecommunicative device is further documented on his website, “Cute Girls & Bluetooths.”
Jupiter Thief – “Fake Plant feat. Ameer Van”
I’m almost positive this is a Ratatat beat, but I haven’t been hip enough to know for sure since 2008.
Turls – “My Plug” prod. by SenseiATL
Turls robbed his plug yesterday. Fuck it, he did what he did. He needed the money to eat dinner and pay his phone bill. And anyway, fuck the plug. His shit is dirt.
Turls sounds pretty bored rattling off motives for the robbery: “My plug ain’t hit me up / So I’mma take his stuff.” Shit stays pretty monotone while it escalates, as Turls and an accomplice jump in the car, peering through dark tinted windows to find the plug on the streets. Eventually, they find him. “I know you’re hiding Xans in your motherfuckin’ wallet,” Turls says, gun pointed. “Cuz you’re my plug. My plug. My plug. My plug. My plug.”
Mura Masa – “Low feat. Jay Prince”
One of my favorite people to email with across the pond is a London-based grime fanatic who works as a programmer at BBC Radio 1. I appreciate Jesse because he regularly sends me fantastic lesser-known hip-hop from the UK alongside vivid commentary. When I sent him this track, he replied, “Yeah, Jay Prince is cool. I don’t love him as much as some of my friends but he picks some good beats, I guess.” This less-than-glowing review isn’t standard for Jesse, who gets excited about music fairly easily. I have included the song here anyway, because this is MY column. Mine. Do you hear that, Jesse?
KEI-LI x Falcxne – “Speaking in Tongues”
Here’s some lesser known D’Angelo fan fiction from the same message board where To Pimp A Butterfly was originally posted.
