Sach O will pay good money to see this band. They better hit up Montreal.
Hey dude! The Stone Roses are reuniting! What’s that? You’ve never heard of the Stone Roses? WTF man, they were like Pavement for England except with better drugs, only one good album and they sounded nothing like Pavement. My point is, a whole lot of people are going to get hype about this reunion and you don’t want to be left out! Don’t worry though, I’m here to help you out with some essential facts and figures to help get you through the upcoming media hype with your street cred fully intact.
- They came from Manchester and played dance-influenced rock but had nothing to do with Factory Records so you didn’t see them in 24 Hour Party People.
- They got really popular when all those mopey kids who liked the Smiths tried ecstasy. They enjoyed the novelty of feeling happy and moving to the sound of music but didn’t want to leave the guitars behind.
- Their first album was like England’s Nevermind. No seriously, it was that big and the NME still dedicates entire issues to it every 5 years. Go check, I’ll wait. No seriously. What – it’ll take you two minutes with Google!
- All late 80s British bands had to be written about through the proxy of 60s references. The Stone Roses were the Beatles, The Happy Mondays were the Stones and nobody gives a fuck about Inspiral Dragons.
- Ian Brown wrote a song about being possessed by the devil and obsessing over fame – thus negating the need for anyone to ever listen to The Libertines.
- They were incorporating high art into their album covers before it became all trendy. Well, actually they did it right around the time it became all trendy. But hey, Pollock!
- She Bangs the Drums was about Thatcher. She was like Ronald Reagan except she had a Penis and drank tea – at least that’s what the 33 1/3rd book on this album said.
- Bye Bye Badman is about The May 68 student revolutions and the “citrus sucking sunshine” line refers to the common practice of using lemons to ward off the effects of tear gas. Occupy Wallstreet Protesters take note.
- They rewrote Scarborough Fair as an interlude where they snipe Queen Elizabeth thus freaking out an entire generation of outraged boomers who would probably have really liked their music 20 years earlier.
- Sugar Spun Sister is a song about visiting a prostitute and features a George Clinton reference. Take THAT Strokes!
- I am the Resurrection goes from a misogynist kiss-off to a jam band freak out midway through. If you’re not high at this point in the album – The Roses may not be for you.
- Fools Gold still sounds better than the entire concept of Electro clash.
- I am so excited about this reunion I’ve written about a bunch of white people with guitars for the first time in over a year. If you’ve never heard of them – I strongly suggest you check out a torrent.
Download:
MP3: The Stone Roses – She Bangs The Drums
