According to Scott Towler, National Idiot Day is Feb. 22. This may be a result of his visceral loathing of George Washington, cherry trees, and any and all wooden gompers.
Scott Towler: I like the name Douglas. You don’t hear it too much these days, except when referring to Douglas firs. Which brings me to my first question: are your parents arborists?
Douglas Martin: I love Douglas Firs! They have that swag that you don’t see in many trees. They stunt like crazy during the holidays.
ST: So is your dad a doctor, or do you have plans to go into medicine yourself?
DM: My father isn’t a doctor, but I briefly considered being a psychiatrist. I like helping people with their problems.
ST: Kind of seems like a waste of a last name though, huh?
DM: Well, it sort of sucks that I share it with that dude from Coldplay, actually. People ask if we’re related.
ST: I meant because of the whole Doc Marten thing, but that Coldplay connection is a shame. Do you like shoes? Some people are shoe crazy.
DM: Doc Marten’s are awesome! I moved to Seattle because I thought he’d move out here because of the huge profit he’s made off of this city.
ST: Charles Barkley: man or monster?
DM: Charles Barkley is a man. Men fuck up sometimes. That’s a direct quote from the Bible.
After Viewing This Photo, Birdman Reportedly Offered Charles Barkley a Deal At Cash Money Records
ST: Who is the female equivalent of Charles Barkley?
DM: Kim Deal of The Breeders/Pixies. Although I think she’s off the sauce, now. Which is wonderful and everything, good for her, but… bummer.
ST: What’s a TV show you thought deserved a better or second chance?
DM: I think Salute Your Shorts was killed before its time. I think it’s aged remarkably well.
ST: When someone chooses to be a vegetarian, does that irk you? Weren’t we designed to eat meat?
DM: I admire vegetarians, because they have far greater willpower than I do. I tried out vegetarianism a couple years back, but I like fried chicken too much.
ST: Well now you’re just being racist. Towards chickens. Are you a white or a dark meat guy?
DM: I’m a breast man. In fact, the breast is the only part of the chicken I’ll put my mouth on.
ST: Why don’t they call it black meat? Or for that matter, why isn’t white meat called ‘light’ meat? It seems incongruous to me.
DM: I think my mother might know. One time, I asked her why the sky was blue, and she replied, “Because I said so.” That woman makes shit happen, dude.
ST: Is Sea World cruel just for existing?
DM: Did you know Trumpets and French Horns have nearly identical fingerings? Weird. Oh, right. Sea World. There’s a little part of me that wishes Shamu would eat someone during one of those performances. That would be rad.
ST: If there was some sort of catdog would you be on board?
DM: That sounds interesting. It sounds like what would happen if someone decided to mix peanut butter and jelly or something wild like that.
ST: What if it meant breeding said animal in a…how do I put this…less than humane way?
DM: You mean, like stem-cell research or something?
ST: I meant rape. I just didn’t want to say it. But you gotta figure the dog rapes the cat, right?
DM: Once, I saw a cat take on a dog four times its size. Fucked that dog up. But, now that you mention it, I guess that wouldn’t happen all that often.
ST: I’ll level with you, OK? I’ve got a baby I’m trying to unload. I thought Seattle would be a nice home for it, cause I read somewhere that babies like rain. Specifically, November Rain.
DM: Once, I was watching the video for “November Rain” with my niece, and she started crying. I thought maybe because Axl Rose didn’t look like a Backyardigan, but she was REALLY upset.
ST: A backyardigan? Is that like a cardigan for your backyard? Why would a house need a sweater?
DM: I never really thought about this. But I’m sure it’s because homes get cold, just like the rest of us human beings.
ST: What piece of sporting equipment would you say Mickey Rourke’s face most resembles?
DM: A catcher’s mitt.
ST: Tits: fake or real?
DM: Are we talking “Pamela Anderson” fake or “Megan Fox” fake?
ST: New-school fake tits. Megan Fox tits. Is Brian Austin Green the luckiest fucker in the world or what?
DM: Megan needs one of my world-famous “You Can Do Better” talks.
When Your Initials Are BAG….
ST: If a sexy robot asked you to have sex with it, would you?
DM: It depends: What’s this sexy robot’s cup size?
ST: Let’s say she had a mastectomy.
DM: Dealbreaker.
ST: What’s your famous home remedy? For example, mine (and many others I’m sure) is to smoke weed to cure a hangover. Works wonders. What’s yours?
DM: Flowers bloom faster if you put a little vodka in the vase. But only a little.
ST: How did you come up with the name, Fresh Cherries From Yakima?
DM: I was passing by a dude selling cherries out of the back of his van, and “Fresh Cherries from Yakima” was on the sign. I feel as though, one day, that dude is going to own the biggest cherry farm in the entire world, and sue the fucking pants off of me. Which would be extremely unfortunate, because I only own three pairs.
ST: Your music really intrigues me. It’s kind of like a post-modern take on pop music. Very a-tonal, very 4-track. An almost reckless abandon of melody and syncopation. Is this an astute observation?
DM: Some angry person on Myspace messaged me because he thought I was taking folk music to an “unmusical extreme.” Between that bit of commentary and yours, I’d say the jig is up. I’m all figured out. No, but I was trying to make a singer/songwriter record that wouldn’t drive me to spew projectile vomit all over my bedroom.
ST: I love the album title, though: Buttons for North Caroline. Ever known a woman named Caroline, or is this a nod to your roots?
DM: I sort of wanted to personify North Carolina as a woman. The state’s pretty curvy in places.
ST: Aren’t we all. Is there anything you really want to share with the blog reading public?
DM: Buttons for North Caroline in…. well, not really stores… ummmm.. somewhere on the internet! Cop that shit!
Download:
MP3: Fresh Cherries From Yakima-“Whiskey and Warhol”
MP3: Fresh Cherries From Yakima-“Good Morning Stranger”
MP3: Blurry Drones (Douglas Martin)-“Winter Weather”
