Columnists

The Beat Generation:

Zilla Rocca is an MC/producer from Philadelphia and a founder of Beat Garden Entertainment. He was a member of the now defunct experimental hip hop group Crooked Soul and is currently one-half of the powerhouse rappin’ duo Clean Guns (alongside hetero lifemate Nico the Beast).

Zilla Rocca hosts a bi-weekly podcast via Yadibox.com, imaginatively titled Zilla Rocca Radio, and writes a column called The Beat Generation for “The Passion” whenever he runs out of soy milk and/or women assault his ego with ridiculous excuses not to kiss on the first date. Zilla Rocca would like to express that he enjoys women in general, unless they themselves seriously enjoy Destiny’s Child and/or Miller Lite.

You can contact ZR about beats, rhymes, shows, press, blogs, James Spader’s mojo, Maria Bello’s marital status, Yadibox.com or Beat Garden Entertainment (in that specific order) by emailing him at: CleanGunsInfo@yahoo.com or adding him as friend via MySpace at: www.myspace.com/cleanzilla

Great Scott:

The son of a Prussian coal miner and his mail order bride ‘Lola’ (or so she claimed), Scott Thomas Towler has come a long way to wind up in the decrepit bowels of Los Angeles. As early as age 13, Scott was working as a black market jade dealer in a village just outside of Bangkok, Thailand. He grew tired of red eye flights across the Pacific; understandably so for a man who had seen his own bicycle crumble to pieces due to rust. Rust caused by water. Surely you too see the connection. At 19 he moved to the Congo in South Africa, where he trained tigers to ride unicycles. After several unsuccessful attempts, three marriages, and a gangrenous toe, Scott leapt back across the pond to Brazil, joining an underground fighting league that specialized in Capoeira. To this day he still will not speak of the horrors he witnessed while in their captivity.

A lover of pets and cooking (especially when combined), Scott now bides his professional time assisting comedy writers, with the hope that someday he too may become one. He also enjoys denim shorts, methamphetamines, and the notion that someday people will walk on their hands.

For writing samples, or simply just to piss Scott off, email him at: askscottsomething@yahoo.com