Mar
28

Ghetto Supa-Starved

In 1996 there wasn’t a bigger rap group on earth than the Fugees, the group that practically invented the formula of making rap music for white people who don’t like rap. In that sense I suppose you can call them pioneers, as this was well before the two-pronged sonic disaster of Kanye West and the… Continue reading »

Mar
20

McConaughey Says He Will Continue to Ignore The Masses

Despite his utter inability to connect with mainstream America, actor Matthew McConaughey is adament that he will not be discouraged by his lack of box office success, and will continue to make movies with integrity. “America’s tough to please,” the self-described “wacky actor,” said. “I guess they don’t “get” the brand of zany humor that… Continue reading »

Mar
08

Teenager Sues Myspace

In an unprecedented case in the realm of online social networking, Mission Viejo teenager Austin St. Claire, has sued Myspace.com for false advertising, claiming that contrary to popular belief, Myspace is NOT a place for friends. “Austin has been subjected to unbelievable amounts of mental anguish, thanks to this insidious plot being waged upon us… Continue reading »

Feb
22

Archeologist Discovers Last Low Maintenance Girl Raised in West Side Los Angeles

In a shocking discovery, an archeologist has discovered what is believed to be the last low-maintenance girl raised on the west side of Los Angeles. The archeologist who discovered the girl, Murray Lancaster, says that the discovery was as much a result of luck as anything else. “I was searching for dinosaur fossils underneath the… Continue reading »

Feb
14

Cheney Announces Plans To Fight In Iraq

In a stunning decision sure to reverberate across the country, Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he will join the United States Army and help the war effort in Iraq. The 65-year old will become the oldest active soldier in the United States’ fighting arsenal. “It’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a… Continue reading »

Feb
13

Who’s That? It’s Pat

Following the unprecedented success of rapper Kanye West, executives from Sony/BMG music have decided to sign firebrand evangelical leader, Pat Robertson, to a three-album deal. The first album from the deal, Robertson’s rap music debut, “Real Motherfucking Saviors” is slated to drop on March 11 and has already taken the rap world by storm. “Yo,… Continue reading »

Feb
08

Arab World Aflame Over a New Set Of Cartoons

As protests and violence continue to rage over a Danish newspaper’s decision to run a series of cartoons linking the prophet Mohammed with violence, the explosive anger within the Muslim world has risen to new heights in the face of the publication of another series of cartoons. In a move deemed insensitive to the ideals… Continue reading »

Jan
24

I’m a Good Person, I Drive a Prius

The other day I was driving a conservative 80 miles an hour when I decided that my lane was moving much too slowly for my tastes. Understandably, I veered into the adjacent lane where I subsequently cut off the driver of a maroon Nissan Sentra. But instead of him peacefully allowing entry into my preferred… Continue reading »

Jan
23

One Week Later, Ethiopian Village Continues to Be Devastated Over Gown Gaffe

One week after the fashion mix-up heard around the world, Ethiopian villagers from the tiny town of Adado continue to report that they still are distressed over Chanel’s gross negligence in lending Reese Witherspoon a dress that had formerly been worn by Kirsten Dunst. “I’ve been over it so many times in my head and… Continue reading »

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