August 25th, 2009
The Next Spot is a recurring series dedicated to the albums that could’ve, would’ve, should’ve made the Decade Top 50.
Capture the essence of the most important album from one of the most important emcees to come out of Houston in the last 20 years in less than 200 words, including this intro? That doesn’t leave much room for masturbation jokes or Blood In Blood Out references, but here it goes:
Z-Ro is so much not like you (street certified, genuinely depressed, woefully star-crossed) that he’s exactly like you (completely lost in his own skin). He’s the rare tough guy rapper that wholly understands the futility of being a tough guy rapper, and that realization tinges everything he does with an amount of desperation that endears him to seemingly everyone without allowing him to personally connect with anyone. It’s madly ironic that he’s talked about his heartbreak and loneliness so perfectly that it’s provided a level of fame that has only magnified each. His music is wildly reactionary, which humanizes the obvious contradictions in it, and never has he offered a more conceptualized representation of that incidental grit –from the legendary “Mo City Don Freestyle” to the ghostly “Help Me Please”- than on Let The Truth Be Told.
Done. Count ‘em. That’s exactly 199 words. In your face, putas. –Shea Serrano
Download:
MP3: Z-Ro-”Mo City Don Freestyle”
MP3: Z-Ro-”Help Me Please”
Posted in The Next Spot, Top 50 Rap Albums of the '00s, Shea Serrano | 1 Comment »
March 12th, 2009
If given the chance, Shea Serrano would punch Ed Hardy in the nose.
In 2004, a somewhat mildly attractive girl that I’d met only once prior, gave me an over-the-pants hand-job in the laundry room of an apartment complex; I suspect it was due in large part to Joe Budden(1).
It’s a common tale, really. Basically, I lifted several bars from Budden’s call-out track “Bullshit Rappers and Metaphors,” pawned them off as my own during a cipher at a house party, and totally wrecked some guy’s shit. Budden’s barbs were considerably more well-received than my usual awkward attempts to rhyme things like “horseback riding” and “law abiding.” Thus, I won the affection of a girl that has no doubt gotten more and more attractive with each subsequent telling of this story.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Forgot About Shea, Shea Serrano | 11 Comments »
January 27th, 2009
Houston-based, Shea Serrano, is a columnist for the Houston Press and Houston Magazine. He’s also written for the Village Voice, Filter Magazine, URB Magazine, Mental Floss Magazine, Texas Observer, Dallas Observer, and others. Unlike much of the blogosophere, he does not believe that Plies “Da Realist” derives its chief inspiration from Di Sica.
Plies, Florida’s 32 year-old snarl with a rapper hidden underneath, is nothing if not a work horse. Over the last sixteen months he’s released three(!) full length albums: The Real Testament (”Shawty” feat T-Pain), Definition of Real (”Bust it Baby Pt. 2″), and, most recently, Da REAList. (That’s three more than Q-Tip released between 2000 and 2008, in case you’re curious.) The immediate concern, then, becomes obvious: With an abundance of content created, will his message not wane in substance? The answer is a resounding “no.” Because Plies, despite what Vibe would have you believe, is shit.
His is a brainless brand of rap, mostly devoid of relevancy or coherent thought. His mouthy sound, which accomplishes a perpetual howling of verse even in its most discreet form, is effective -that point is inarguable. But too often it’s marginalized by bumbling attempts at elicit description (”Take your time gettin’ undressed, while I take the diamonds off my neck, ’cause I’m finna get in yo chest” –”Spend the Night”) or redundant Goon rhetoric. (See: Every song)
His want for lyricism is an impediment no number of auto-tuned Billboard-toppers can supplement –you can only rhyme “wet” with “undressed” so many times, you know. But Nielsen SoundScan will argue otherwise. Nielsen SoundScan will tell you that since its release last month, Da REAList has moved 114,000+ units. That’s the equivalent of selling 475,000,000 units in 1994, I assume. So, solely out of respect for his large listenership, the remainder of this review will respond in a manner more in line with the succinctness his fanbase requires.
Plies? Ham-fisted lyricist. Superfluous. Inordinate. Unoriginal. Hackneyed. Clichéd. Corny. Songs? Passe’. Repurposed. Shallow. Done to death. Examples? “Make a Movie.” Horn-driven. Jeezy rip-off. Ugh. “Me & My Goons.” Goons? Again? We get it. “Fuck U Gon’ Do Bout It.” Bravado? Again? We get it. “I Chase Paper.” Chasing paper? Again? We get it. Do you get it? “All Black.” Lush first 0:13. Trash last 4:01. “Pant’s Hang Low.” Better than Jibs, at least. “Family Straight.” Best song on album. Still unaffecting. 4 out of 10. Maybe. In it’s totality? Awful. Terrible. Wack. Lame. You get it? Best use for physical CD? Break in half. Stab in own face for buying.
You Weren’t Really Expecting Plies MP3‘s Were you?
Posted in Shea Serrano | 12 Comments »
