Oct
27

Never Eat at Denny’s and Party Like Lil Penny: Suggestions for Denny’s Late Night Rockstar Menu

Denny’s, the diner chain of choice for those benighted locales that lack a better alternative (an IHOP, a Steak-N-Shake, a Taco Truck, readily available roadkill) has recently announced their new late night Rockstar Menu, featuring such indelible dishes as Hoobastank’s Hoobaburrito, Jewel’s Acoustic Roasted Chicken Quesadilla, Sum 41′s The Sumwich, Good Charlotte’s Band of Burritos,… Continue reading »

Oct
07

Vatican Creates Commission to Investigate Miracle Reports at Thom Yorke Solo Show

Following a spate of reports from several attendees at Thom Yorke’s recent solo set at the Echoplex last week, the Vatican has created a commission to investigate reports of celestial visions and miracles performed, including a Los Angeles native who claimed that Yorke’s celestial wail and boisterous dance moves miraculously cured his gout, rickets, and… Continue reading »

Sep
28

My Name is Darryl, But You Can Call Me “D”: The Strawsomeness of “Chocolate Strawberry”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ol75BB7ly4k The instant MOST PRIZED POSSESSION of my vinyl collection, acquired this weekend at the Lower Haight’s outstanding record shop, Groove Merchant (thanks to a heads-up from the always on-point O-Dub). You can have your random rap full of arcane regional signifiers, I’ll take mine with Darryl Strawberry 16s, and guest-spots from UTFO, Whistle, and… Continue reading »

Jun
07

The Marijuana Policy Project Party at the Playboy Mansion: The Dandy Warhols, Playmates, and Pinball

I don’t need to explain the Playboy Mansion. You’ve probably seen Girls Next Door, the E! Entertainment show that managed to successfully de-mystify the estate like the channel did Saved by the Bell, Puff Daddy, and Fabio. But despite the camera’s depiction of Heff as goofy and groping grandpa, with three ditzy but well-meaning Barbies,… Continue reading »

Jan
26

Cheneyohead: Dick Cheney, Paranoid Android

Bonnie “Prince” Tyler’s resume includes stops at The Pyongyang Post-Dispatch, the Eritrea Times-Picayune, and the Bollywood Bugle. He can be reached in care of his Sydney-based second cousin.  WASHINGTON D.C.: Ever since I accepted the position of Political Reporter at the Passion of the Weiss, I’ve been holed up, hobnobbing with the country’s political elite,… Continue reading »

Dec
12

The Never Before Revealed Script for Busta Rhymes’ “Arab Money” Video (With Deleted Scenes)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVGQX4aLu8A EXT. THE ARABIAN DESERT-DAY BUSTA RHYMES and jovial sidekick, SPLIFF STARR, stroll through a barren wasteland: famished, high and disoriented. Busta:Where are we, Spliff? Spliff Starr: Yemen. Busta Rhymes: Don’t yeah man, me…I pay you for two things: carrying drugs and geographic know-how. Spliff Starr: No, Yemen. It’s nearly 600,000 square kilometers, approximately the… Continue reading »

Nov
14

Holler If You’ll Drink Me: The 2Pac Energy Drink

Are you frequently fatigued? Do you lack the energy to assault major American film directors over the role of O-Dog? Do you find yourself drinking beverages, one part Alize, one part Cristal, and one part Suge Knight tear drop, while wondering why your particular brand of thug lacks passion? Well, with one sip of Hunid… Continue reading »

Aug
07

Who Is Your Daddy And What Does He Do?: A Summit Between John McCain and Daddy Yankee

Last week reggaeton star, Daddy Yankee and Arizona Senator John McCain met to discuss immigration, education and a possible Yankee endorsement of the Republican candidate for president. While a transcript of the interview has not officially surfaced, my top-secret sources have thankfully provided the details of what transpired during Daddy Yankee and Granddaddy McCain’s summit.… Continue reading »

Mar
05

Will i Am Offers Obama Handjob Via Campaign Song

As the voters of Texas, Rhode Island, Vermont and Ohio filed to the polls yesterday to help decide the Democratic Party’s nomination for President, will.i.am., the capitalization averse mastermind of the Black Eyed Peas continued his steadfast efforts to help elect Senator Barack Obama of Illinois. Indeed, while most election-day volunteers focused on get-out-the-vote efforts,… Continue reading »

Feb
05

Why I’m Endorsing Hulk Hogan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGuhZvO1DKg Take That Chuck Norris. As you can see from his “Real American” video above, Hogan has the endorsement of the real JFK, not his younger, drunker brother and rest of the flotsam and jetsam that currently constitute the rest of the Kennedy clan. This displays Hogan’s ability to transcend the realm of the spirit… Continue reading »

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