Forgot About Shea: Jadakiss’ “The Last Kiss”

Heavily slanted towards panegyrics to Z-Ro and UGK, Shea Serrano’s Houston Press archive can be found here. With Citi Field currently serving as the home to the Mets, and Shea Hillenbrand out of baseball, Serrano aspires to be the nation’s best known Shea.

 Few rappers have had a more frustrating career than one-time wunderkind, Jadakiss. Grab any five music critics/hotshit bloggers/wearers of scarves, and ask them to name the top 10 rappers of all time, three things are bound to happen:

1. In no particular order, Biggie, Pac, Em, Nas and Jay will round out the upper half. Rakim substitutions are more than acceptable.

2. One guy in the group will think he’s super hip and include some dipshit pick like Project Pat just to be contrarian. Then he’ll make some inane claim about how “Sippin’ On Some Syrup” was the most culturally relevant song of 2000 and everyone will laugh until they realize he’s serious, and then they’ll hate him for it.

3. Somehow, Jadakiss will sneak onto all of their lists. He’ll probably sit in the 8th spot, right below Mos Def, who has silently carved out an alcove as everyone’s secret-favorite Earth-rapper, and right above Scarface. Yeah, bitch, ‘Face is a top 10 pick. But despite being universally regarded for an obvious innate talent, Jada’s failed to translate it into the mainstream success he endlessly petitions for. He’s like rap’s Tracy McGrady. He’ll move 140,000 copies, but when it comes time for the playoffs,  Jada’s got a bum knee, and his team is going to fall to the Lakers/Kanye.* Read the rest of this entry »

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Forgot About Shea: Joe Budden’s Padded Room and the Art of Getting Jobbed

If given the chance, Shea Serrano would punch Ed Hardy in the nose. 

In 2004, a somewhat mildly attractive girl that I’d met only once prior, gave me an over-the-pants hand-job in the laundry room of an apartment complex; I suspect it was due in large part to Joe Budden(1).

It’s a common tale, really. Basically, I lifted several bars from Budden’s call-out track “Bullshit Rappers and Metaphors,” pawned them off as my own during a cipher at a house party, and totally wrecked some guy’s shit. Budden’s barbs were considerably more well-received than my usual awkward attempts to rhyme things like “horseback riding” and “law abiding.” Thus, I won the affection of a girl that has no doubt gotten more and more attractive with each subsequent telling of this story.

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