February 10th, 2009
When not shouting, “BROWNSVILLE, HOME OF THE BRAVE,” at high decibel levels, Aaron Matthews writes about hip hop, movies, and videogames at Canned Thinking. He also contributes to Metal Lungies, and Hip Hop Is Read.
There are two things you need to know about M.O.P.
1. M.O.P. are always angry.
2. During their brief tenure on Roc-A-Fella Records, the pair recorded an album entitled Kill Nigga Die Slo Bluckka Bluckka Bloaoow Blood Sweat Tears and We Out.
Let’s take a slide through the ill side of town.
1. Lil’ Fame, “Face Off 2k1″, Warriorz:
Niggaz ain’t feelin the Fame bitch? Stop dreamin’/I’m the shit that felt good comin’ out of my pop’s semen.
Why it’s Great: There is no possible scenario where Fame can imagine someone not feeling him. Accordingly, when a prenatal Jamal Grinnage was released from his father’s semen, his pops experienced pleasure. (Matthews)
Ranking:
2. Lil’ Fame, “1/2 & ½”, Gang Starr ft.M.O.P.
“Here comes the revolutionist/executionist/flip a triple 6 into three 9’s/cause a crucifix”
Why It’s Great: Fame gets his Noah Webster on and invents the word, “executionist.” Couplet gets bonus points for possibly veiled Crispus Attucks reference. Very veiled. Related note: why has there not been a rapper named Crispus Attacks? (Weiss)
Ranking:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Aaron Matthews, Best Of | 21 Comments »
December 12th, 2008
EXT. THE ARABIAN DESERT-DAY
BUSTA RHYMES and jovial sidekick, SPLIFF STARR, stroll through a barren wasteland: famished, high and disoriented.
Busta:Where are we, Spliff?
Spliff Starr: Yemen.
Busta Rhymes: Don’t yeah man, me…I pay you for two things: carrying drugs and geographic know-how.
Spliff Starr: No, Yemen. It’s nearly 600,000 square kilometers, approximately the size of Thailand. It’s chief exports are oil, coffee, fish….
Busta Rhymes: (pointing) Put your eyes where my hands can see.
Spliff Star: It’s a bird…it’s a plane.
Busta Rhymes: It’s an Arab!
Busta & Spliff Starr (together): With money!
Greek Chorus Consisting of RICK ROSS, JIM JONES, AKON, DJ KHALED, SOULJA BOY, PUFFY and RON BROWZ.
Woe and peril are the fate of the man forced to confront the burden of getting Arab Money. We getting Arab Money.
Shaking them off, Busta and Spliff hold hands and frolic gleefully towards the palace.
The Scarecrow Obviously Being the Weed Carrier 
INT. THE ARABIAN PALACE-TIME CEASES TO HAVE ALL MEANING
Gone are Busta and Spliff’s threadbare hoodies, in their stead are magnificent garments made from the finest tailors in Aden.
Busta: Look at us, Spliff Star and Busa Bus, dressing the craziest, like an Arabiest.
Spliff: Does this mean Dre is taking our calls again?
Busta: No, it’s Middle East women and Middle East bread.
Spliff: Pita?
Busta: (ignoring Spliff’s response, fingering his new duds). Does this vest make me look fat?
Spliff: You look beautiful. But tell me if the sunglasses inside are too much?
They approach an Arab gentleman perched on a throne, surrounded by beautiful women. He extends his arms.
Arab Moneyed: Ah, Spliff Star and Busta Rhymes, I have been expecting you. Can I offer you a flute of champagne, an orange, an odalisque.
Touch It-Bring It-Pay It-Watch It-Turn It-Leave It 
Busta: Whoo-hah, you got’s it all in check.
Spliff: Thank you sir and may I say, your hair looks magnificent.What hair gel do you use.
Arab Moneyed: Bedouin Head.
Greek Chorus of Rick Ross, Jim Jones, Akon, DJ Khaled, Soulja Boy, Puffy and Ron Browz: Only at the golf course, can the secret of Arab Money begin to to be revealed.
Shrugging his shoulders, a melancholy Rick Ross leaves the Greek Chorus and addresses the crowd, holding a skull.
Rick Ross: Great shame has been brought to the house of Ross. No longer is he the biggest boss, he has seen thus far. Ross has been eclipsed. Ross is speeding no longer.
Ross looks gravely at the platinum chain of his own face that dangles around his neck.
Ross: Here hung those lips that Ross has kissed I know not how oft.
Seeing Ross disconsolate, Akon sidles up beside him.
Akon: Hang in there Rick Ross, you’ve sold millions of records, you’re beloved the world over by high school basketball coaches, the Florida Penal Community, and irony-loving bloggers from Texas to Tanzania.
Ross: But Ross pushes, he pushes.
Akon: You don’t know that he’s a bigger boss than you. You have no smoking gun.
Ross: Ross does not like your choice of verbiage.
Greek Chorus of only DJ Khaled: Greek chorus taking over. We the best.
Skull Gang! Santana!
INT. YEMENI PALACE-SUPPERTIME
Busta yawns and taps on the shoulder of his new associate.
Busta: Take me to a 7-star hotel! Busta Rhymes has Arab Money and Busta Rhymes intends to spend Arab money.
Arab Moneyed: Your wish is my command. Treat me like a genie, whatever your most stereotypical desires are, I shall obey.
Magically, they are transported to a lavish casino in Dubai.
Arab Moneyed: How would you like to play pinochle with the ghost of the great Muhamed Ali.
Spliff Starr: Just because a motherfucker got Parkinson’s don’t mean he dead.
Arab Moneyed: No, you don’t understand. I meant the other Muhammad Ali, the late-Pasha of Egypt.
Spliff and Busta stare quizically.
Arab Moneyed: Then the ghost of Yassir Arafat it is. But watch out he cheats.
Greek Chorus of Jim Jones waving dollar bills at the camera with a pelt on his back: SABLE! GET FURRY!
DipSquirrel: The Latest Hare-Brained Scheme
EXT. CROWD SHOT
Busta Rhymes and Spliff Star cavort triumphantly, watching a crowd of Middle Easterners affirm their love of petrodollars and the rappers who love them.
Spliff Starr: The people adore us again. It had been so lonely since “Pass the Coirvoisier.” Who needs Andre anyhow?
Busta Rhymes: They respect me in Maui, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Iran.
Spliff Star: Less than one percent of the island of Maui is Arab.
Busta Rhymes: But they know that we get money.
Spliff Starr & Busta Rhymes (together): We getting Arab money!
They hug. Spliff Starr sheds a single tear of joy.
Busta Rhymes: And you said I’d have to start wearing dresses again.
Greek Chorus (all): Antío sas! Antío sas! Antío sas!
Posted in The Fakest News in Town, Best Of, It Got Weird, Didn't It? | 9 Comments »
December 4th, 2008
Matt Shea is an occasional contributor to waycooljnr and a regular contributor to The Cool Hunter, Scene Magazine and a part-time copywriter for the man. He can be contacted at matchessheabo@gmail.com
In the digital age of music, turntablism has remained a bastion of the analogue, a smoky backroom where arguments over white labels, pick-ups and the merits of the ‘S’-shaped tone arm are the order of the day. Now, with the rise and rise of the CD Deck and the laptop, the traditional turntable’s days may perhaps be numbered. With this in mind, Passion of the Weiss gets retrospective, thinking about hip-hop, turntablism and the best analogue turntable from each decade.
1970s – Technics SL-1200
The early days of hip-hop: steaming Bronx nights; bumping block parties; speaker stacks pulling their power through city lampposts. Herc with his sound system; Bam with his records; Flash with his technique. The
Bronx was being sliced and diced by this holy trinity of hip-hop, yet hardly anybody outside of the borough had heard of them or their oddball brand of music. Facilitating this musical revolution was the Technics SL-1200 turntable. As opposed to the belt-driven turntables of the time - the ‘jumpers’ and the ‘drag masters’ - the SL-1200 was a direct-drive turntable, with its platter bolted straight on to a high-torque motor. It was the only turntable that could withstand visceral nature of the scratch and not then cast a DJ adrift in the middle of a beat. Despite originally being marketed as a domestic hi-fi turntable, the SL-1200 immediately found its real home in the club, on the block and in the dusty cabs that would race in between, it’s reputation for durability quickly equalling it’s talent for supple stage manoeuvres. In the later part of the decade, as hip-hop began to come to the boil, it was the SL-1200 that the DJs were using to stir the pot.
USERS & ABUSERS: Grand Master Flash, Afrika Bambaataa, DJ Kool Herc, Grand Wizard Theodore, DJ Breakout DJ Kool Herc.
There may be arguments over who invented hip-hop, but there is little denying that it was DJ Kool Herc who discovered the electricity of the breakbeat. Identifying strongly with the b-boys who would wait on the sidelines at his gigs until a song’s break came in, Herc began to experiment by playing just the breaks, one straight after another. His mixing technique may have been rudimentary, with Herc simply fading from one record to another whilst he talked over the transition, but seeing him through was his intimidating record collection and an outrageous speaker set, dubbed the Herculords. The crowds couldn’t get enough and the first spark of hip-hop was struck.
1980s – Technics SL-1200 MK II
As the 70s drifted into the 80s, so too did hip-hop start to drift out of the Bronx, on to the island of Manhattan, and then beyond. It may have been the Sugar Hill Gang’s ‘Rapper’s Delight’ that started hip-hop’s exploration of the charts, but it was Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five’s ‘The Message’ that blew the door down, it’s stark and angry lyrics ticking the box of cultural significance that mainstream rock critics valued so highly.
This was the decade that the pioneers came into their own – Flash with ‘The Message’ and Bam with ‘Planet Rock’ – but it was also the decade that they passed the baton on to a second wave of hip-hop artists, whose continuing innovation helped secure a place for the genre in music’s mainstream. With uncanny timing, Technics helped facilitate hip-hop’s explosion in popularity, updating the SL-1200 in 1979 with the release of the SL-1200 Mk II.
The first dedicated deck for DJs, the Mk II is the dreadnought of turntables, seemingly indestructible in a physical sense whilst obliterating all comers function wise for the best part of two decades. Compared to its older sibling, the MK II brought with it significant improvements to the drive system, tone arm, and added a slider for greater pitch control. The SL-1200 Mk II was so good that competition was virtually nonexistent. The only entrants into the market simply peddled cheap imitations that excelled only in looking exactly like the Mk II. Just as hip-hop cemented its place in the musical mainstream, so too did Technics cement its position in the burgeoning culture, the SL-1200 Mk II becoming the professional DJ’s only weapon of choice for many years to come.
USERS AND ABUSERS: Grand Master Flash, Afrika Bambaataa, Grandmixer D.ST, Jam Master Jay, Jazzy Jeff, Eric B
Grand Master Flash:
Flash is fast, Flash is cool. Herc may have discovered the breakbeat, but it was Grandmaster Flash who took this peculiarity of the Bronx block party and turned it into a truly new form of new music. Flash was the technician of the turntable, inventing the Quick Mix theory and the Clock Theory. He was also extremely competitive, always chasing firsts, and when he witnessed ‘Rapper’s Delight’ race up the charts he was infuriated.
As the 80s kicked into gear and hip-hop exploded, Flash would have his revenge, not only with ‘The Message’ but also on ‘Adventures Of Grandmaster Flash On The Wheels Of Steel’ where he bamboozled listeners with seven minutes of hit-heavy quick mix electricity. Popular music’s horizons had just been expanded, and it was enough for Grand Master Flash to claim a place as perhaps the most important figure in the history of hip-hop.
1990s – Vestax PDX-A2s
While the scratch was invented in the 1970s, it wasn’t until the 90s that something close to a subgenre was built around its manipulation. Hands that would dash from record to cross fader and back again; fingers moving with Swiss-precision while speakers rocked to a pounding beat: it was ultimately realised that the hip-hop DJ’s skills were visual and visceral enough to be pursued as an end in themselves and so turntablism was born.
As the 1990s had rolled on, the relentless march of gangster rap had virtually drained hip-hop of the original party spirit that had kick-started the genre. Turntablism was in part a reaction to this, sidestepping the MCs and building on the techniques of the founding fathers of hip-hop. In the hands of the skilled turntablist, the record deck was finally transformed into a genuine musical instrument. While hip-hop in the mainstream had ceased to evolve, so too had the turntable. Technics, so long the dominant force in the market, had neglected to update the SL-1200 Mk II and as turntablism applied it’s DJ-centric demands on the manufacturers, the Japanese kingpin was slow to innovate.
As turntablism shifted the paradigm for what was required from a record deck, so too did a batch of companies rise to challenge Technics’ domination. Stanton, Numark and Gemini all expanded their product range, but at the end of 90s when Technics were lambasted for their disappointing update to the SL-1200 line, it was Vestax who provided the starkest contrast and most compelling alternative, releasing their scratch-friendly PDX-A2s on to the market.
While turntablists had succeeded in turning the record player into a solo instrument, Vestax succeeded in providing these beat-swapping magicians with the first turntable designed to be played as an instrument. This led to a number of its key features, foremost among them being its vertical orientation, dual start/stop keys and an anti-skip straight tone arm, which allowed for non-slip performance during even the most intrepid incarnations of mixing technique. The perfect battle-ready deck, the PDX-A2s turned out to be just the beginning for Vestax and their turntables remain at the forefront of the Technics killers.
USERS AND ABUSERS The X-ecutuioners, Mixmaster Mike, Invisibl Skratch Piklz, Scratch Perverts, A-trak, Grandmaster Flash.
Mixmaster Mike: Of all the turntablists to emerge in the 1990s, none had quite the impact of Mixmaster Mike. Teaming up with Q-Bert to destroy the DMC World Titles three years running from 1992-1994, Mixmaster Mike went on to become The Beastie Boy’s resident DJ. Mike’s audacious digit athleticism enthralled the Beastie’s audiences; the DJ was being noticed again and suddenly a whole new generation of fans was hooked on turntablism.
2000s - NUMARK TTX
As the new decade began, hip-hop also moved into a new era with the genre’s breadth increasing dramatically. While hip-hop culture continued to move further into the mainstream, turntablism, at one point in danger of becoming an esoteric footnote in the genre’s history, was saved by an ever-increasing hunger for the ‘old school,’ to which the tuntablists were scene as a direct link.
The turntablist DJ, by taking some of the spotlight away from the MC, was reminding fans of their hip-hop history and preserving the music’s roots in the process. As the DJ began to receive more exposure in a genre that was picking up a whole new generation of followers, so too did the turntable and the manufacturers move further into the spotlight. The innovation that had started in the 90s exploded in the new millennium. Vestax switched back to a conventional horizontal layout for it’s PDX-2000/2300 decks, which were laden with features and equipped with callus-cutting amounts of torque while
Stanton raised it’s game throwing another Technics beater into the game with the STR8-150. It was left to Numark, however, to create the deck that is now hailed as the true 1200 killer: the TTX USB. Bigger; faster; stronger: this was the philosophy Numark took when creating the king of all turntables. Improving on their earth-shattering TTX1 from early in the decade, Numark took the durability of the SL-1200 MK II and married it to the battle-ready features of the PDX-A2s, throwing in swappable tone-arms and dials, USB out, outrageous amounts of pitch control and knuckle-breaking torque for good measure. Technics, perhaps seeing little need to change what to this day dominates clubs world-wide, made only minor upgrades to the SL-1200, releasing the MK VI in 2007 to an under whelmed market. Vestax continue to innovate, releasing their QFO hybrid turntable/mixer and promising an imminent release of their almost mythical musical instrument for DJs, the Controller One. It’s the TTX USB, however, with it’s feature set and tank-like construction that remains more than a match for any turntable produced since the turn of the decade. If analogue is indeed going to succumb to digital, vinyl’s death will be a glorious one when spinning on a Numark TTX USB.
USERS AND ABUSERS: Roc Raida, DJ Logic, Birdy, Nam Nam, Lil’ Mike DJ Logic:
As turntablism entered it’s second decade of existence, few have taken the art in such an interesting direction as DJ Logic. Logic’s work takes the almost scientific nature of turntablism and runs it through with the improvisational spirit of jazz. Indeed, Logic took the concept of the turntable as an instrument and introduced it to the jazz bandstand.
His approach produces music that is at the same time both experimental and infectious, without ever feeling dichotomous. Logic manages to flesh-out fully fledged pieces of jazz around the scratches and scribbles from his record deck and the result is a new take on turntablism that pushes the boundaries of hip-hop even further.
Download:
MP3: Grandmaster Flash-”The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash” (Left-Click)
MP3: Afrika Bambaataa-”Planet Rock”
MP3: DJ Q-Bert-”Five”
Posted in Matt Shea, Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought?, Best Of | 4 Comments »
July 9th, 2008
Summer Jamz ‘08 #11: G’Z Up, Prose Down
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=4NBDRWLQ
Each Summer Jam is proudly co-hosted with Screw Rock N’ Roll and What Was it Anyway.
- Parliament-“Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)
- N.W.A.-“Alwayz Into Somethin’”
- Dr. Dre-“Nuthin’ But a G Thang”
- Above the Law ft. 2Pac & Money B-“Call It What U Want”
- The Dove Shack-“Summertime in the LBC”
- Domino-“Getto Jam”
- The Twinz-“Round N’ Round”
- Snoop Doggy Dogg-“Gin and Juice”
- 2Pac ft. Shock G & Money B-“I Get Around”
- Mista Grimm ft. Nate Dogg & Warren G-“Indo Smoke”
- Ice Cube ft. George Clinton-“Bop Gun”
- The Lady of Rage-“Afro Puffs”
- Sam Sneed ft. Dr. Dre-“U Better Recognize”
- The D.O.C.-“The D.O.C. and The Doctor”
- DJ Quik-“Jus Lyke Compton”
- W.C. and the Maad Circle-“The One”
- Tha Dogg Pound-“Let’s Play House”
- Kurupt ft. Nate Dogg-“Girls All Pause”
- Warren G ft. Nate Dogg & Snoop-“Game Don’t Wait”
- Warren G & Nate Dogg-“Regulate”
- Warren G & Nate Dogg-“Nobody Does It Better”
- Parliament-“P-Funk (Wants to Get Funked Up”
Radio raised me. Power 106 and 92.3, The Beat, filtering in fuzzy and faint from the battered and bruised transistor, blank cassette in at all times—just in case. “Gin and Juice” and Maxells as madelines and tea, inside my broom closet bedroom, tattered with tapes as trophies. The holy trinity: The Chronic. Regulate and Doggystyle; the latter, swiped from a shuttered Music Plus, purchased by me for a mere $7 from a kleptomaniac, entrepreneurial ex-friend. Last I heard, he’d moved to Northern Arizona to escape from drug dealers. In the process, he found God and eventually assumed a position in an evangelical Korean Ministry.
Contrasted with the cluttered condo clusterfuck of this last Bush year, that Los Angeles of 1992 seems almost unrecognizable. Back then, South Central, Compton and the land south of the Ten still smoldered, a burn-out husk from the Rodney King riots that had erupted a few moths prior, as though to prove Ice Cube’s point. The city had an almost martial tone to it, there were unspoken boundaries you didn’t cross and “the club” on every steering wheel. Crips, Bloods and Bullets waged internecine warfare* so the shrill sirens of Fox 11 News at 10 told us. Hell, even in the rich parts of town, neurotic school administrators banned Raiders and Kings garb for being gang affiliated, though the closest their students had come to ‘banging’ was the Whack-A-Mole at Chuck E. Cheese.
So maybe Mike Davis was right. Maybe Los Angeles was a city of quartz. But if so, it was about to turn platinum. Thing is, everything changed when The Chronic dropped. The Dre of N.W.A. that “didn’t smoke weed or cess,” was dead, his politics largely muted. Instead, he’d found the good drugs, a stack of Parliament samples and a lanky, ex-Long Beach Crip with a flow ostensibly ordained by God to soundtrack hot and hazy Sunday BBQ’s. The combination was unstoppable and by the time Snoop’s debut dropped the next fall, G-Funk had everyone on lock, from Baldwin Hills to Bel Air, from Compton to Calabasas. You want proof that Jayceon Taylor is full of shit? Because of no self-respecting Angeleno would’ve ever bragged about shop-lifting The Chronic in ’95. What was dude listening to before that? P.M. Dawn? Snap? Jesus Jones?
The story’s rote by now. The big money boom. Suge Knight, the mad villain, burning blunts and Cohibas, glowering at the world from a plush aerie inside a pitch black Wilshire Blvd. skyscraper, the same one shared by Larry Flynt and Hustler, on the corner of Beverly Hills’ restaurant row. Dre turned hip-hop’s Howard Hughes, hibernating deep in the West Valley, obsessed with the unattainable notion of perfection and whether Winstrol could make his biceps as big as his ego. Snoop became more brand than rapper. Warren G got busted for taking Nate Dogg’s advice to be “high like every day.” And as for poor Nathan Hale, that perpetually underrated R&B master, he was somehow felled by a stroke before the age of 40. God knows what happened to Sam Sneed? Drugs. Jail. The PGA Tour?
But for a few short years there, say that stretch from The Riots until 2Pac got shot, G-Funk owned the sound of our summers. Pure California ride music to cannon out of every car stereo, soundtrack every party, the ideal accessory to cheap weed, smuggled liquor and the baking black asphalt. I don’t know what kids listen to today. Weezy? Jeezy? The Game’s compelling but hollow nostalgia? We had it good. After all, who better to make sun-scorched jams than the kids from the real land of the endless summer? Like Nate Dogg and Warren G said, “Nobody Does It Better.”
Posted in Summer Jamz, Best Of | 16 Comments »
March 5th, 2008
As the voters of Texas, Rhode Island, Vermont and Ohio filed to the polls yesterday to help decide the Democratic Party’s nomination for President, will.i.am., the capitalization averse mastermind of the Black Eyed Peas continued his steadfast efforts to help elect Senator Barack Obama of Illinois. Indeed, while most election-day volunteers focused on get-out-the-vote efforts, i.am. sat down in his studio to concoct his most powerful campaign song yet, one that reveals his inner-most feelings for the candidate, as well as offering tantalizing sexual favors that have been hard to come by on the campaign trail.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not gay,” i.am said giggling and adjusting the pink fedora that he wore on the set of the new Peas video, “Shake Yo’ Lumpy Love Bumps. “But if Obama needs a little stress relief, I want him to know that I’m there for him. That’s how dedicated i.am to the message of hope and change that Obama brings to the table. Rest assured, I won’t like doing it. At least not much.”
While i.am’s, first two videos featured cameos from the likes of intellectual powerhouses such as John Legend, Scarlet Johansson, Tyrese, Jessica Alba and George Lopez, the Los Angeles native decided that for video number three he needed to offer an honest revelation of the depths of his man-crush. While various beautiful starlets offered to help i.am. in giving Obama hand jobs, i.am. said that this time he needed to go solo.
“When I look into Barack’s baleful brown eyes, he touches the depths of my inner artist,” i.am. averred. “I’ve written many songs that have meant a great deal to many people. “My Humps,” has been proven to cure cancer, “Let’s Get Retarded,” has helped millions of Americans cope with mental retardation and “I Got It From My Mama,” artfully explained the complicated world of genetics. Yet the song-writing process was never more natural than for ‘Hands Holding Hope.’ One second I was wondering what more I could do for Barack, the next I knew the answer: hand jobs.”
Apparently, Oprah was Unavailable
While Obama was unavailable for comment as he gathered at his Chicago headquarters to watch the primary results, an Obama campaign spokesman, Ellis Frumerberg, denied reports that the candidate took i.am. up on his salacious offer.
“Those allegations are preposterous,” Frumerberg said. “Obama has been happily married to his wife Michelle for over 16 years and he would never think about accepting illegal campaign handtributions. And might I add, that if he were to accept one, it would most certainly be from Jessica Alba.”
Clinton campaign staffers were quick to spin this as another example of Obama’s lack of experience.
“When the President is woken up at 3:00 a.m with an emergency crisis., who do you trust to make the right decision?” Clinton said. “Do you want a president willing to go to third base with the man who introduced Fergie to the world? To say nothing of his solo record. He’s the only man on earth capable of making Wyclef Jean look like Bob Marley.”
Anonymous sources inside the Clinton campaign confirmed that Tina Fey had proposed to make out with Clinton on camera in an attempt to woo the MTV crowd. However, the offer was promptly rebuffed.
Download:
MP3: Skip Spence-”Little Hands”
MP3: The Smiths-”Hand in Glove”
Posted in The Fakest News in Town, Best Of, It Got Weird, Didn't It? | 9 Comments »
February 28th, 2008
Sometimes, I feel sorry for the 13-year olds of today. I can’t even begin to imagine how disgruntled my adolescence would’ve been had I been forced to listen to “A Bay Bay” and “Low” everywhere I went. We got “Regulate,” and “Hip-Hop Hooray,” they got the Soulja Boy dance. And of course, there was “1st of Tha Month,” a song that pretty much defined the summer of 1995. Those were a weird couple of months. O.J. tried on the infamous “if it don’t fit, you must acquit” bloody gloves, Jerry Garcia died, and really not much else happened. It was the 90s, this was perfectly common. In fact, all I really remember doing that summer was watching a whole lot of Small Wonder, playing a lot of Tony LaRussa Baseball, and listening to E. 1999 Eternal. I’m still not sure whether it was supremely awesome or the worst summer of my life.
In particular, I listened to “1st of tha Month” more than anything else. It was hard not to, the thing was everywhere, from the radio, to MTV and Rap City, to my basketball practices in the afternoon. I even distinctly remember one day in my sweltering summer school computer class when a sub came and we spent the entire period listening to E. 1999 Eternal on flimsy Discman headphones and flipping through the liner notes, baffled by the hazy mysticism of the Misterouija board, the street map of E. 1999 Eternal and the mournful RIP message to Eazy who had died in March.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought?, Best Of | 8 Comments »
February 22nd, 2008
Last week, DJ Khaled announced the creation of his We the Best Music, a new vanity label that will be distributed and released under the Def Jam umbrella. In a press conference to promote the pact, Khaled repeatedly proclaimed “we the best” and that “we taking over internationally.” As I find Khaled neither “the best” nor a viable candidate for global supremacy, I challenged him to a debate. Most graciously, Khaled accepted the offer and informed me, “you the worst.” I knew right then that I was in for a difficult time. It’s hard enough to debate when your opponent has hired Rick Ross to school him on the ways of elocution, let alone when he is a cunning linguist capable of eluding the sand traps of conventional English grammar.
Moderator (Birdman): May you each make an opening statement to prove who be the #1 stunna. (Makes bird call)
Khaled: We the best. We takin over!
[Audience roars with applause]
Passion of the Weiss: Who’s the best?
Khaled: We
Passion of the Weiss: Why?
Khaled: Because….I’m so hood.
Passion of the Weiss: I always thought you’d look good in one of those tropical-colored hipster hoodies. Fair play.
Baby makes unwanted and lascivious eye contact with Passion of the Weiss and Khaled. Khaled tries on a hoodie and continues to chant “I’m so hood” to deafening approval from the room.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Great Debates in History, Best Of | 17 Comments »
February 21st, 2008
Pete Rock needs no introduction. His new album NY’s Finest drops on Tuesday. While it might not be a classic on the level of a Soul Survivors or Mecca & The Soul Brother, it’s a strong record with occasionally great moments. But buyer beware: Jim Jones yells “floooosssssiiiin’” no less than four times.
Q: You’ve stated that your intent for NY’s Finest was to modernize your classic sound while attempting to retain that ‘grimy boom-bap” music that you helped pioneer. How did you go about achieving this? Was it a matter of you implementing a new philosophy, buying new equipment, a combination of the two?
A: I wanted to have different sounds and for that I used new and upgraded equipment. I work with all-new Akai’s and MPC’s and to get that I had to buy new equipment, new keyboards, new everything. It’s a lot of the old Pete in terms of the choice of records with soul jazz and even reggae samples. But I delved a lot further into those elements. I’m into classical music and classic rock and even soft rock. Hell, even obscure overseas bands that that people haven’t heard of in the states, but are funky as hell over there. Of course, the J.B.’s pioneered that Boom Bap and funk but there were other groups around the world. I listen to Mandrill, Fela Kuti, all the French groups like El Chico. People like that. Oh and I also listen to a lot of Brazilian music.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Interviews, Best Of | 15 Comments »
January 24th, 2008
One of the most common complaints I hear from my female friends is that they always seem to fall for “assholes.” Quite mistakenly, they ask for advice on how to remedy this situation and the ensuing conversation inevitably leads to elliptical arguments about how maybe they should stop liking guys that are assholes. However, had I re-watched the video for Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract” at any point during the last two decades, I would’ve quickly been able to point out how Paula Abdul’s dysfunctional relationship with MC Skat Kat, eerily mirrored their own romantic woes. Of course, I’m sure there are plenty of girls who like perfectly nice guys. Apparently, I’m just not friends with any of them.
1. He Parties All Night.
Poor Paula Abdul. So naive. There she she is, dashing up the stairs in high heels, wildly enamored with her animated furry love and all MC Skat Kat can do is try to lift up her skirt. But being the trusting Paula Abdul that she was, she erroneously believes MC Skat Kat’s lies about his skirt-chasing, in spite of his avowed penchant for carousing (yes, carousing). Wake up woman. He’s a world-famous rapping feline. Sure, opposites might attract. But on all those nights that “you go to bed early,” believe you me he’s out chasing tail. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
2. He Associates Himself With Riff-Raff
If the old cliche about judging a man by the company he keeps is true, Abdul shouldn’t be surprised by Skat Kat’s avowed preferences for the “fast-lane lifestyle.” How can she have noticed the seedy hooligans that he surrounds himself with and not realized instantly that the relationship was doomed to failure? I don’t like the looks of that mouse one bit and I’ve made my thoughts clear about guys in fedoras and ironic day-glo orange shirts a few times too many; to say nothing of the two-bit floozies that Skat Kat includes as the token female members of his posse. Suffice to say ladies, if your man rolls with vermin, pink-haired hussies and questionably gay beefcake leather types, don’t be surprised it he turns out to be a cat cad.
3. He’s Got A Temper
Maybe if Abdul had even take the time to listen to her beau’s solo album, she would’ve noticed a song called “I Go Crazy,” a harrowing, perilous descent into madness. If you want to avoid dating assholes, pay attention to the little signs. If your man is writing first-person confessionals about his inner turmoil and rage, don’t be surprised when he lashes out at you. Sure, when things are good, they’re great, but relationships aren’t all tap-dancing on rooftops and wearing sunglasses at night. Indeed, Abdul’s Florence Nightingale complex might have led her to attempt to salve Skat Kat’s myriad psychic wounds, but there was no healing the turbulent riot of his soul.
4. He’s a Smoker
Another reason why girls fall for assholes is that they feel the need to change their man, they just know that with time, love and patience they will be able to cure him of all his bad habits. Right? Wrong. Abdul seems intrigued by the cool, aloof air that Skat Kat strikes when he lights up a cigarette, maybe she even subscribes to the Chander Bing school of “smoking is cool and you know it,” but deep down, she’s waiting for the moment, when she can say, “y’know what, MC Skat Kat, I think it’s time you stopped smoking.” But that’s wrong Paula Abdul. If you don’t like to smoke, find yourself a non-smoker, don’t try to kill all of Skat Kat’s fun. Like Rakim said, “Know the ledge.”
5. He’s Always Broke
To be honest, this part of the song is probably a lie. Though Abdul tries to claim that “she’s got the money and he’s always broke,” Skat Kat’s rapping and hustling career would certainly indicate that he’s got crazy cheddar (if you are to believe Young Jeezy). Moreover, Skat Kat is exonerated by the fact that Abdul is a Jewish girl from the Valley and thus would be banished from the tribe for dating anyone who was constantly indigent.
Download:
MP3: Paula Abdul-”Opposites Attract”
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought?, Best Of | 7 Comments »
January 11th, 2008
1. Not being just any geek off the streets
How To Avoid Being A “Geek Off the Streets: Learn how to how be to handy with the steel and earn your keep.
Best Models to Emulate: Gay steel workers, Andrew Carnegie, Iron Man
2. Not Tweaking When You See a Car Full of Girls
How To Avoid Tweaking When You See a Car Full of Girls: Drink less coffee.
Best Models to Emulate: Nate Dogg, Warren G, Dylan McKay
3. The Wisdom to Avoid Dice Games on 21 and Lewis
How To Avoid Dice Games on 21 and Lewis: Consult AOL City Search for a more suitable and safe environment to find games of chance and miscellaneous sinning.
Worst Models to Emulate: Pete Rose, Nicky Arnstein. Dice Raw
4. The Ability To Glide And Swerve So Hard That You Make Hookers Hit the Curb
How To Glide and Swerve Properly: Malt liquor.
Best Models to Emulate: E-40, Too Short, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
5. The Will To Pull Out Your Strap And Lay Busters Down (If Necessary)
How to Obtain This Will: Nihilist German Philosophy.
Best Models to Emulate: Nietzsche, Heidegger, Buster Keaton.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in 10 Questions Raised, Best Of | 7 Comments »
