January 26th, 2009
Bonnie “Prince” Tyler’s resume includes stops at The Pyongyang Post-Dispatch, the Eritrea Times-Picayune, and the Bollywood Bugle. He can be reached in care of his Sydney-based second cousin.
WASHINGTON D.C.: Ever since I accepted the position of Political Reporter at the Passion of the Weiss, I’ve been holed up, hobnobbing with the country’s political elite, meeting disgruntled public service officials in freezing cold parking garages, and drinking coffee and cocktails with the cream of the city’s backroom operatives and seedy spin doctors, all aimed at scooping the next Watergate, Whitewater, or at least a garden-variety Whiskey Ring for the Internet’s best music blog.
It’s been tough. I’ve talked to more old white men than a waiter at a Georgia country club, I’ve sniffed more coke than any reporter should in an entire lifetime, and I’ve discovered the best place on K Street to get a handjob (pretty much anywhere if you can offer enough in return). I’ve been told that nearly every politician in the city has a secret habit of cruising for gay sex in airport bathrooms, spending public funds on seven diamond hoes, or stashing stacks of Benjamins in a freezer to pay off the pages he propositions, but I pretty much knew about all of that before I arrived here. No, I wanted a real scoop. Something that would make a jaded, scandal-weary public sit-up and take notice.
I got it last week. With the whole city abuzz about the inauguration of some dude I haven’t been interested in since he won something or other last November (us political reporters have memories like goldfish), I was approached by one of the few guys in town not brimming with suspicious optimism. Being a professional, I can’t reveal his identity, but I can tell you that he has high-level connections with the Bush administration, and that his name rhymes with Zack Zabramoff. And, boy, did he have something exciting for me.
Chris Martin: The American Dad of Pop
Seems that back in 2005, British newspaper The Guardian interviewed Coldplay singer Chris Martin, and Martin mused about the power of music to soothe savage beasts:
“Actually, to be fair, I was wondering whether certain people’s policies would change if they heard certain songs,” he says in his slightly sinusy, barely West Country-accented voice. “Would it be possible to start Nazi Germany if you’d just been listening to Bob Marley’s Exodus back-to-back for the past three weeks and getting stoned? Would the idea of the holocaust seem so appealing? I know this sounds really trite, but I mean it seriously, because music is something every human responds to. There’s a reason why people who’ve had bad relationships with their parents listen to angry stuff.”
Martin then offered some listening advice to the United States’ then Vice President:
“So in some sense,” he continues, “I do think melodies can do a lot. It would be interesting to see how the world would be different if Dick Cheney really listened to Radiohead’s OK Computer. I think the world would probably improve. That album is fucking brilliant. It changed my life, so why wouldn’t it change his?”
According to my source, sometime after the interview was published, Cheney got wind of it. Now, in a Passion of the Weiss exclusive, I can, in what must surely be the biggest story in music-related political reporting since Bob Woodward revealed Jimmy Carter’s failed kazoo lessons back in 1978, share with you the missive Cheney wrote after reading Martin’s comments, which includes his review of OK Computer.
Cheney Gives it a 7.3, With Points off For Overly Derivative Liberalism
Dear G.W.
Have a read… uh… get Laura to read to you the attached newspaper clipping from this British rag. Now, being a death metal man, I don’t keep up with much of the rock ‘n’ roll the kids are into these days, but from what I’ve heard of this Chris Martin character, he’s one of those fair trade, environmentalist, limp-dick liberals. Seeing him make these comments about how I should be listening to some set of soft cock socialists called Radiohead made me think I should get Tony Blair on the phone and have him arrange for Chris Coldplay to experience a bit of rendition— the extraordinary sort. Have him flown out to one of those facilities in Eastern Europe that you don’t know about where I could get to work waterboarding him with my own piss. “What’s that Chris?” I’d ask. “’It was all yellow?’ You goddamn right it was.”
Then I remembered that Blair had quit in favor of that pussy Gordon Brown, and decided to give Martin a pass this time. I’d got all fired up thinking about pissing on someone though, so I decided to buy that OK Computer disc Martin was talking about, and piss on that instead. First, I wanted to test his theory about how listening to some modern rock would transform me into an NPR-addicted war protester, which I expected to be one hundred per cent garbage. I don’t know about Auschwitz and Bob Marley’s Exodus, but I can guarantee that Rumsfeld and John Yoo dreamed up Gitmo after a heady mix of mushrooms and Matisyahu. How could OK Computer have any effect on me?
Secondly, I’ve always had dreams of being a music critic like my hero Bob Christgau. So arrange to have this review sent to Rolling Stone, and tell Jann Wenner that I’ll be available for a regular position once 2009 rolls around. I know Wenner’s a terrorist-loving freedom-hater who can’t stand you or me, but remind him of the size of the file the CIA has on him, and that should make him a bit more compliant. I don’t actually know that the CIA has a file on him, but come on; the motherfucker was in San Francisco in the late ’60s. You couldn’t look at San Francisco on a map back in the Nixon days without attracting the attention of the Secret Service. Good times.
Matisyahu: Also the Vice-President of AIPAC
Radiohead
OK Computer
1997
4 Stars
Given that I began listening to this album on the recommendation of Chris Martin, I expected OK Computer to be the worst kind of nancy boy British moaning; tepid guitar strumming and songs about peace, warm lager and feeding the hungry. To my great… well, I understand many people experience a feeling they describe as “joy,” which I take to be something similar to the exhilaration I experience when I pull the trigger and launch a load of birdshot into another man’s face. If that is joy, it was to my great joy that I discovered Radiohead singer Thom Yorke is a man very much after my own heart.
I have recently begun to grudgingly appreciate the latest Coldplay single, “Viva La Vida.” The lines about rolling the dice and feeling the fear in your enemies’ eyes prompt a faint tingling in my (admittedly desiccated) loins. But Yorke is a more creative man than Martin. He knows when to go to the dark side. He knows when to stack his hostages into a naked man-pyramid. Yorke doesn’t roll the dice to decide the fate of his enemies; he looks them square in the eye and tells them that on his coronation, they’ll be first against the wall. A word of advice, Yorke: King? Vice-President is more than good enough. Trust me.
That delightful sequence occurs on one of the record’s best tracks, “Paranoid Android,” but Yorke lets his magnificently sadistic imagination run loose through the other eleven songs here as well. My favorite is “Climbing Up the Walls.” If I’d known about it a few years before, I would have suggested we make use of it to promote the NSA wiretapping thing (I would have preferred we didn’t make it public at all, but a horrible conglomeration of Anti-Americans consisting of the New York Times, the ACLU, the Senate and, worst of all, the courts, had to get involved). What red-blooded, responsibly Republican American would not get a charge out of hearing “Either way you turn, I’ll be there/ Open up your skull, I’ll be there”? And Yorke’s got a solution to any Moveon.org-ers wanting to talk about the Constitution too: “Fifteen blows to the skull.” I would have suggested sixteen.
I tell you, this Yorke fucker has some good ideas. I don’t know how a Karma Police would work, but it sounds just the thing to beef up our Homeland Security department. And “This is what you get if you mess with us” is such a glorious slogan I can’t believe I didn’t come up with it myself.
Cheney: A bigger fan of Hobbes
Yorke knows how to run a political campaign, too. In “Electioneering,” he lays out a strategy of such elegant sophistication that even Karl Rove would be in awe: “Riot shields, voodoo economics.” He proposes using cattle prods! Now that’s getting out the vote.
Such is Yorke’s ingenuity that he even manages to squeeze some balls in his drippy acoustic love song. He starts off spouting Shakespeare at some weeping dame, but by the end of the song he’s telling her he hopes that she chokes. It almost makes up for the “bring down the government” nonsense he spouts in “No Suprises.” However, given his strong form in the other songs, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s referring to the Reagan method of bringing down government, through less regulation and lower taxes, rather than actual sedition.
But what makes OK Computer the best album I’ve heard in a long time is that Yorke’s lyrical ingenuity is matched by his band’s inventive musicality. Jonny Greenwood’s guitars slice like razor wire, while Phil Selway’s drums clatter like bombs over Baghdad, or maybe even like that song “Bombs Over Baghdad.” Radiohead seems to realize that you can’t trust weak human flesh with anything important, and its music is bolstered by a computer framework that has all the cold sensibility of a corporation outsourcing its activities to India. And in a personally appealing touch, the machine voice narrating “Fitter Happier” sounds uncannily like me in the morning before my first cup of coffee. Ask my wife, she’ll back me up on that.
Chris Martin thinks if I really listened to this album, the world would improve. I suspect he is right. After fifty minutes with this disc, I’ve decided to run for President in 2012. I’ll be a jackknifed Juggernaut in the next world war. The Democrats might have yuppies networking, but I have dust and screaming. I will stop at nothing when electioneering. I trust I can rely on your vote.
Dick Cheney
Download:
MP3: Radiohead-”Paranoid Android”
MP3: My Morning Jacket-”Evil Urges”
Posted in Bonnie "Prince" Tyler, The Bradley Effect, It Got Weird, Didn't It? | 4 Comments »
January 23rd, 2009
I won’t pretend that I’m capable of articulating my thoughts on Merriweather Post Pavlion more eloquently than Alfred Soto: “The obscurity of the lyrics doesn’t jive with the moves towards greater openness and focus in the music and singing. Something is being signified, but what? The words half-articulate a joy the band hasn’t deeply considered; marriage is a state, the band argues, that reduces late twentysomethings into apostles blessed with Pentecostal fire, without the attendant clarity of expression. It’s like holy love turned its supplicants into graceless fools. If lyrics like “I’m really lost in your curls” sung by a twentysomething male is your idea of an endearment, have at it. Plenty of eighteen-year-olds are happily married. ”
I’m certainly not immune to the record’s charms. “My Girls” and “Summertime Clothes” are worthy of their advance billing–while “Bluish,” “Brother Sport,” and “In the Flowers” all have their merits. If you enjoyed the record (and you’re reading a blog, so the answer is probably “yes,”) no panegyric came more poignant than Mike Powell’s Village Voice review But even to an ardent 808s & Heartbreak advocate, the lyrics felt particularly lacking–particularly for such such an “Important” band.” My piece for the Weekly attempts to parse the semantic gibberish. It involves Macauley Culkin and Anna Chlumsky’s My Girl, a Ponzi scheme involving Geologist, and Poor Richard’s Almanac. The usual.
LA Weekly: Parsing the Mysterious Lyrical Challenges of The Animal Collective
Download:
MP3: Animal Collective-”Summertime Clothes”
Posted in LA Weekly | 9 Comments »
January 21st, 2009
I don’t actually think the mixtape will save us all–promise. But discounting the obscene glut of product that has plagued us in the mixtape era, I do think it’s pretty win-win for artists and consumers. Particularly since rappers (and non-rappers) are stepping up their game and evolving beyond the simple arithmetic of written “freestyles” over recycled beats + otiose skits + a half-hearted 16-bar cameo from that R&B chick’s album. The article is part of the Voice’s Pazz & Jop’s package; you may have read it by now. There are other interesting articles too. In particular, I recommend Rob Harvilla on M.I.A. and Simon Reynolds on Vampire Weekend.
Posting (from me) will be a bit light until mid-next week, as I’m Bay-bound to visit friends, see Wooden Shjips, and re-enact the Sean Connery/Nicholas Cage epic, The Rock. Rest assured, there will be vulgar epigrams about prom queens a-plenty.
Village Voice-The Mixtape Will Save Us All
Download:
ZIP: Wale-The Mixtape About Nothing (Left-Click)
ZIP: Esau Mwamwaya & Radioclit-The Very Best (Left-Click)
ZIP: Diplo & Santogold-Top Ranking (Left-Click)
Posted in Village Voice | 4 Comments »
January 21st, 2009
Since none of you insensate philistines responded to my TLC post, let’s hope you’ll be a bit more moved by this clip of Lethal Injection-era Ice Cube–an album which I’d argue is better than it’s rancid reputation–”Cave Bitch” aside. Though if O’ Shea had stuck to his first draft (a love ballad to Betty Rubble), said track may have been salvageable after all.
Also, “Boo Yaa” might be the only arcane slang more fun to use than “Ta-Dow.”
Download:
MP3: Ice Cube-”What Can I Do” (Original Version)
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 5 Comments »
January 21st, 2009
Sach O kicks it P.L.O. style, buddha monks with the owls.
At first glance, you’d think there couldn’t be a more politically inconvenient time to bump Baader Meinhof. A conceptual album by Auteurs front man Luke Haines; the record is essentially a first person account of a radical leftist student group of the same name that operated in various forms out of Germany from the 60’s to the 90’s. While their car-bombing of ex-Nazi statesmen who found their way into the West-German government isn’t likely to push people’s buttons, their affiliation and sympathy with the more radical aspects of the Intifada and PLO can hit a little too close to home as rockets land on both sides of the Gaza strip. I’m not here to talk politics though, (if you must know my stance it goes along the lines of “fuck those in power on both sides for playing politics with civilian lives”) I’m here to talk music and Baader Meinhof like Public Enemy, The Coup and Rage Against the Machine is a band that simplifies politics for musical purposes but still has something worthwhile to say.
Released as Brit-Pop peaked and began to stagnate into a sad retread of the British Invasion, Baader Meinhof sounds totally alien to the scene. An off-kilter mix of Indian Percussion, funk licks, drum breaks and punky lead guitar, the album’s eclecticism is startling. A studio project in the truest sense, each instrument benefits from extreme separation and a spacious mix gives the record a fidelity and warmth absent from most Britpop which seemed intent on plastering albums with walls of ringing guitar. These cinematic sounds set the stage for a loose narrative involving rich German university students and their assassination attempts, highjacked flights to Somalia, heinous plots to wipe out women and children, regrets, loses and vengeance over a traitor. Intense stuff presented with all the flair of a Hollywood thriller but also sung more than little tongue in cheek. After all, as man better known for his Kinksian descriptions of English life, Haines was about as close to the PLO as fellow 90’s name-dropper Method Man making it hard to take his words at face value. A product of a pre-9/11 world, Baader Meinhof discussed terrorism and the issues surrounding it in a way that seems impossible or at the very least loaded for western artists in the aftermath of the WTC attacks. Lines like “do it for God, do it for Allah” referring to suicide missions would be chilling if they weren’t delivered with campy gospel backing vocals over grungy fuzz bass. Equally groovy is “Mogadishu” which somehow manages to turn what was surely a horrifying skyjacking into a laid back jam extolling the beauty of the perpetually war-torn Somali capital as presented by a Lebowskiesque Captain Mamoud. The most poignant moment though is “there’s gonna be an accident” where the protagonist kills off a Government official only to realize that he’s gone too far and can’t turn back. When’s the last time you heard a song about THAT?
As an unapologetic leftist and pacifist (shit, there goes my promise to keep politics out of this) Baader Meinhof can be an uneasy listen at first. No matter the irony, Luke Haines’ lyrics can come off as a promotion of terror to achieve ones aims. But stick with the record and the lyrics reveal emotions spanning the gamut from violence to regret, raising interesting points about radicalism both eastern and western. Baader Meinhof treats its subject with respect and intelligence reminding us that “terrorist” can be applied to anyone the government disagrees with and while I’m hoping for Peace in the Middle East, I’m bumping this record too.
Download:
MP3: Baader Meinhof-”There’s Gonna’ Be An Accident”
MP3: Baader Meinhof-”Mogadishu”
Posted in Diggin' in the Digital Crates, Sach O | 5 Comments »
January 20th, 2009
Image via Hip Hop is Read
Unless you’ve been living in the Madagascan Rain Forest or are a cave-dwelling ignicolist in Outer Mongolia, you’re well aware that today marks the inauguration of Barack Obama. To the delight of the rap world and the chagrin of the social security set, Obama has been billed as the first hip-hop president. With an iPod that includes Jay-Z, Kanye and Ludacris, Obama’s light years ahead of his benighted Oval Office predecessors; yet judging from his pragmatic cabinet, it’s unlikely that the White House will be a bastion of boom-bap–unless Eric Holder’s holding out on us.
In honor of this historic day, it’s time to examine what things would look like had the other Clinton seen his dream come true.
Vice-President: Jay-Z
Pros: Has previously bonded with Nicholas Sarkozy over the song, “Big Pimpin.” Boasts a close relationship with Rockefeller. If given half a key to flip, may be able to bail out the economy.
Cons: Close ties with elites like Chris Martin and “Angelina Joliezie” may prove anathema to heartland supporters. Popularity ratings never recovered after Kingdom Come. Def Jam gig ended worse than Cheney’s.
Secretary of State: Kanye West
Pros: Polled high prior to 808s & Heartbreak. Maintains the ability to cut across racial, cultural, and socio-economic boundaries. His appointment sends a Shinseki-esque rebuke to the parting Bush administration.
Cons: Never graduated college. May cry in the middle of intense diplomatic negotiations. Potentially easily confused and irritated at having to work in a place called Foggy Bottom.
Secretary of the Treasury: Lil Wayne
Pros: Extensive familiarity with cash money. Understands the nature of the underground economy. Doesn’t mind kissing Babies–a must for any politician.
Cons: Can only count to a milli.
Secretary of Defense: 50 Cent
Pros: Makes Donald Rumsfeld look like Donald Duck. Is incapable of being killed by conventional weapons. In the perpetual fight for resources between the DOD and the State Dept., Curtis knows how to get money.
Cons: ‘Roid rage may make him too erratic to conduct proper diplomacy. Will bring Tony Yayo and Lloyd Banks–the Rocksteady and Bebop of rap–along for the ride.
Attorney General: Jim Jones
Pros: No one knows more “Kosher Lawyers.” Laser focus on popping champagne allows him to monitor underage drinking. Dipset Christmas albums reveal him to be a man of family values. Expert at being a Diplomat.
Cons: Mainstream America still gets him confused with the late, Kool-Aid swilling, cult leader. Freekey!
Secretary of Agriculture: B-Real
Pros: Reputation for green thumb agricultural acumen will endear him to the ever-dwindling population of American farmers.
Cons: May only devote his time and energies to cash crops.
Secretary of Labor: Aesop Rock
Pros: The Eugene Debs of hip-hop has staked his career on thinking about Labor.
Cons: Name recognition confined to liberal arts graduates, dismissive music critics, and blog readers–esentially, the same thing.
Secretary of the Interior: Redman
Pros: No one knows more about trees.
Cons: More into burning trees than conserving them.
Secretary of Transport: Rick Ross
Pros: Has experience at speeding, transporting bricks and claims to maintain extensive, international connections. Will hustle every day at the office. Has prior government experience.
Cons: Once claimed a close and personal relationship with Manuel Noriega. Luckily for the vetting process, no one believes him.
Secretary of Education: Lil Boosie
Pros: Little kids can’t count to ten, but they can spell Boosie’s name. Which is more than you can say about Arne Duncan.
Cons: None.
Secretary of Veteran Affairs: Nas
Pros: No one has shown more concern for washed up vets than Nasir, as evidenced by his “Where Are They Now,” 80s and 90s remixes.
Cons: Has a one hot benefits package every ten year average.
Secretary of Homeland Security: M.O.P.
Pros: Are cold as ice, unafraid to ante up, and showed an early knack for the Internet with the popularity of their website, www.Iwillfuckyouup.com
Cons: Are probably cons. People may think M.O.P. stands for mop and shit.
Secretary of Energy: Busta Rhymes
Pros: Shows perspicacity in dealing with Middle Eastern nations and in getting Arab money. Has the ability to throw the water on any crisis.
Cons: Wears more dresses than any government employee since J. Edgar Hoover.
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development:Young Jeezy
Pros: Best motivational rapper since Tony Robbins.
Cons: Best motivational rapper since Tony Robbins.
Secretary of Health & Human Services: Dr. Dre
Pros: Slightly more trustworthy than Dr. Octagon. Spends most days devoted to physical fitness and the pursuit of handsomeness.
Cons: May have obtained his degree at Compton Upstairs Medical School.
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 16 Comments »
January 19th, 2009
Despite my avowed Smiths worship, I’ve never been quite as obsessive about Morrissey’s solo work. So it comes as a slight surprise how much I’m enjoying Years of Refusal, particularly considering its album cover makes Moz look a disgruntled ex-McMartin Pre-School employee. Don’t be fooled by the dullery of the “Throwing My Arms Around Paris” video either. Yes, it certainly could’ve been spiced up by shots of the city or the celebutard, but it’s a great song off a very solid album, perhaps Steven Patrick’s finest since Vauxhall and I.
Download:
MP3: Morrissey-”Throwing My Arms Around Paris”
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 2 Comments »
January 18th, 2009
Trying to relay the phenomenon of meeting Sam Jackson, I fell into the trap of comparing the actor with a role he played 15 years ago. Attribute it to the iconic nature of said performance, with Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction always overshadowing Jackson’s greatness in the Spike Lee joints, Jackie Brown, and Menace II Society. The details are in the Weekly link.
Also, be sure to scoop the songs from Afro Samurai’s Rza-helmed soundtrack. I’m sparing you the tracks with Prodigal Sunn and 60 Second Assassin–though it’s nice to see them gainfully employed during a time of economic distress.
LA Weekly: Samuel L. Jackson Interviewed-Discusses Hip-Hop And Comics for the Premiere of Afro Samurai
Download:
MP3: Kool G. Rap, Ghostface Killah, Tash Mahagony & The Rza-”Whar”
MP3: Kool G. Rap, Inspectah Deck & Suga Bang-”You Already Know”
Posted in LA Weekly | 3 Comments »
