Douglas Martin’s Dirty Shoes: Award Tour
Lyrically, Douglas Martin is Mario Andretti on the mo-mo, whether ludicrously speedy or infectious with the slow-mo.
2008 was a funny year, wasn’t it? We saw Jay-Z strum a guitar, Kanye West (sorta) get his Andre 3000 on, Eminem come out of a nearly-five-year hiatus with a fake accent, and the world’s highest selling record also managed to be weirdest mainstream rap album in recent memory. Of course, the aforementioned examples are merely the tip of the iceberg as far as music-related happenings over the past calendar year. Leave it to your boy Douglas Martin to round up the miscellany that might have whizzed past you over the last 365 with the first-annual (and possibly only-ever) 2008 Award Tour!
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are solely those of Douglas Martin and not necessarily representative of Jefferson Fitzgerald Weiss or any founding member of Team Passion.
Most Influential Artist: T-Pain
Of course, we could talk about 808’s and Heartbreak or “Lollipop” or the 554,832 R&B songs that featured Auto-Tune this year, but when you even have Bon Iver getting in on the act, too, then you ought to be considered a trailblazer in your field.
Best Song About Public Indecency: “So Everyone” by Bonnie “Prince” Billy
Runner Up: Usher’s “Love in this Club”
Best Punchline (Hip-Hop): “When off the purple and greens/I’m higher than the jeans on Urkel” - Elzhi (from “Motown 25″)
Best Punchline (Rock): “Romance is the douche of the bourgeoisie” - Silver Jews (from “San Francisco B.C.”)
The “Kwame and Them Fuckin’ Polka Dots” Rapper-As-Punchline Award: Yung Berg
Come on. Dude got clowned twice in “Slaughterhouse” alone!
Best Conflict-of-Interest of the Year: Zilla Rocca’s Bring Me the Head of Zilla Rocca
Yeah, yeah, yeah; Zilla’s our people. But do YOUR buddies make mixtapes that can reference both Sunset Park and high school Honors English reading staple Lord of the Flies? Can YOUR friends rhyme their ass off with as much gusto, charisma, and flat-out skill as Zilla? If so, we’d probably blog about him, too.
Best Band Name of 2008: Jay Reatard
Runner Up: Fucked Up
Best Way to Piss Off Your Neighbors: Times New Viking
Runner Up: “A Millie”
The “Let’s Be Like U2 Again” Award: Coldplay’s Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends
Runner Up: Coldplay’s A Rush of Blood to the Head
Download:
MP3: A Tribe Called Quest-”Award Tour”
Stumble It!
January 6th, 2009 at 8:06 am
I’m real partial to the Pissed Pissedofferson tag from the AV Club piece about awful band names.
January 6th, 2009 at 10:14 am
As much as I hate it Douglas, you’re on point with Monsieur Pain. Let’s see what ‘genius’ he has in store for ‘09.
January 6th, 2009 at 10:19 am
dan, there are so many points during last year where i scratched my head and was like, “biting t-pain? really, guys?”
January 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
What is ‘Slaughterhouse’? Let me guess, some Joe Budden song, since Joe Budden’s life consists of “clowning” rappers who actually have record contracts and filming youtube videos of himself with eighth-rate college-age groupies who remember back when his awful song was featured in You Got Served? Sorry, but who cares what Joe Budden says.
January 6th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
But who cares what you say?
January 6th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
budden himself said nothing about yung berg on “slaughterhouse.” i was explicitly referring to both nino bless and royce da 5′9″ (who quip about him getting robbed and slapped, respectively).
tray, you really need a fact-checker. nice try to add something thoughtful to this conversation. next time, please try harder.
January 6th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
The phrase “team passion” makes me feel all wrong inside.
January 6th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Young Berg needs a new barber. And Transformers’ Chain.
January 6th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
“You know my shoe game is crazy as the Iron Sheiks”