Holler If You’ll Drink Me: The 2Pac Energy Drink
Are you frequently fatigued? Do you lack the energy to assault major American film directors over the role of O-Dog? Do you find yourself drinking beverages, one part Alize, one part Cristal, and one part Suge Knight tear drop, while wondering why your particular brand of thug lacks passion? Well, with one sip of Hunid Racks’, 2Pac Energy Drink, you’ll be ready to smite all rotund rivals, pen rose poems of dubious merit, shoot yourself during robberies and keep hos in check (while clowning around with the Underground.)
Unless you’re Faith Evans or a postal service employee disgruntled by the character of Lucky from Poetic Justice, it’s clear that something refreshing and naturally effervescent looms in your future–something with healthy ingredients like carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, taurine, sodium citrate, natural & artificial flavors, glucuronolactone, caffeine, potassium sorbate, sodium benzoate, d-calcium concatenate, guarana extract, panax ginseng extract, inositol, l-carnitine niacinamide, pyridoxine hydrochloride, cyanocobalamin. I know, cyanocobalamin, right? Get ready for the ride of your fucking life!
Don’t believe me? Then listen to the sagacious wisdom of the fine people at Hunid Racks, who guarantee that if you “drink a can, [you] improve your daily hustle. Drink two cans, get ‘yo hustle on.” Rick Ross drinks 17 of these each day. Does this account for his obesity? Maybe. Does it account for his success? Absolutely. *
After Rick Ross Learned to Hustle at a Shirts Vs. Skins Basketball Game, He Never Looked Back
As Hunid maintains” “the 2Pac energy drink is for the “real Hustlers…focused on goals…who want to upgrade their mind body and soul and…reach their ultimate goals.” Lofty goals…like hanging out with Hussein Fatal and E.D.I. Amin of the Outlawz. ** After all nothing’s more wise than the company motto: “Don’t look behind, look ahead, erase the past get that cash!” Exactly the sort of forward-thinking economic policy implemented under the Bush administration.
Indeed, imbued such wiry energy, the makers of Hunid stay awake 22 hours a day, enabling them to read each issue of Harper’s, Field and Stream, and Retired General. Thusly, they’re aware of the deep economic rut and the many choices any hip-hop beverage connoisseur has to choose from: Pit Bull, Crunk, Drank, Pimp Juice, Hyphy Juice, Loud Energy Drinks and of course, good ol’ fashioned syrup. All , fueled by the spirit of condescending and everlasting stereotypes, yet none that can match the immortal power of the ghosts of overrated, dead rappers. The 2Pac Energy drink: Baby, toss it up! (and down).
* God knows, it isn’t his talent.
** One reason Biggie defeats ‘Pac is a stronger weed carriers JV. Lil Cease + Lil Kim > Outlawz combined (”All Eyez on Me,” “Hit ‘Em Up” exempted.) Conspiracy is better than you remember–it still isn’t that good.
Download:
MP3: 2Pac: “Toss It Up”
MP3: 2Pac: “Holler if You Hear Me”
MP3: Junior Mafia-”Step into the Realm of Junior M.A.F.I.A.”
Video: 2Pac-”Toss It Up”
Video: 2Pac-”Holler if You Hear Me”
Stumble It!
November 14th, 2008 at 3:41 am
I don’t know, the weedcarriers seem like such an ancillary issue when it’s such a huge mismatch already. Like I could see a big Ghostface fan trying to break a Biggie/Ghost tie by going to Junior Mafia vs. Theodore Unit. Although, you know, Trife’s not that bad (then again, the white dude really is). Still, though, Lil Kim by herself > TU. But Pac - what can you even say, you listen to the first album and it’s almost Juvenile Hell like in the sense of, “the guy who made this would go on to become a legend???” But the thing is, unlike Mobb Deep,it didn’t even get much better from there. And I’m not trying to be provocative at all, but to me this would be like saying, “one big reason Kobe is better than Vince Carter circa 2008 is he closes out better on shooters.” Like there are about 80 reasons before you come to that reason. Just one that I’d like to point out is the quality of the people who Pac influenced versus the guys who Big influenced. I think it says something when the primary biters of your style are people like Ja, Master P and C-Murder (though I love No Limit, still though), DMX, Plies, Jeezy, Game, and countless other mediocrities, whereas the biggest biter of Big’s style and lyrics is, of course, Jay-Z, who’s only the best rapper since Big died. Of course you could counter with Guerilla Black, but that isn’t even influence as much as crazy impersonation.
November 14th, 2008 at 4:15 am
oh no. you’re actually serious. i’d take the “mac dre magic potion” over this any day. at least that one is silly enough to be co-signed by the rapper, if he were alive today. the tupac one is excessively silly (my god, that can is ugly).
oh, and the rick ross caption? LOL of the year.
November 14th, 2008 at 8:18 am
“** One reason Biggie defeats ‘Pac is a stronger weed carriers JV. Lil Cease + Lil Kim > Outlawz combined (”All Eyez on Me,” “Hit ‘Em Up” exempted.) Conspiracy is better than you remember–it still isn’t that good.”
Oh, I don’t know about that. Even though, I technically can’t tell you which Outlaw is which Outlaw, I think I’d much rather listen to any of them over Lil’ Cease. I always kind of dug that weird Third World dictator bit they had going.
November 14th, 2008 at 8:21 am
looks more like what lil flip (leprachaun) might drink than a tupac energy drink…awful colors!!
November 14th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Made my morning. I don’t know why they didn’t name it Thug Passion.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:25 am
This drink gives me the same rush PCP does. 2 AM, I’m outside the automotive museum, guns blazin:
If you want me, come get me, how the fuck you gone take me, I got me true n*ggas wit me and we ridaz.
Nah, but that shit would be fun.
November 14th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
look asshole, you just gave away the secret to my power as an urban educator. i hand every kid a can as they walk in the door. how else am i to teach?* why else would you only find this stuff in the mini-fridge of an unassuming corner bodega in roxbury? exactly.
*yes, yes, i know. the flavor flav glasses do help.
November 14th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I played ball with a guy who may or may not have been shirtless Rick Ross. Unsurprisingly, his range was LIMITED.
And it wasn’t supposed to be Shirts V. Skins.
November 14th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Tray: Of course, it’s an ancillary issue. I was half joking. Though I think 2Pac is better than you’re giving him credit. Very apt point about the influences though.
Douglas: I completely forgot to make my Mac Dre joke in here. It was originally intended. Damn the demon weed.
Zeus: Yeah, Lil Cease wasn’t very good, but the Junior Mafia album is still better than any of the Outlawz jaunts.
Christine: Shouldn’t you be offering your students something a little more Massachusetts-centric? Say a Benzino-flavored energy drink (tastes like exhaust and bitter resentment). Or perhaps an Ed O.G. and the Bulldogs beverage (seems more like your style).
November 15th, 2008 at 10:04 am
I swear, and maybe its coz my eyes caught a hold of Rick Ross’s bountiful bosom first, but the first thing I read on the pac energy drink image, where pac’s flashing his chest was “Humid Racks”
November 15th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Great shit!
November 16th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Weiss: Granted, I guess my frame of reference with the Outlawz are their guest appearances on Pac’s joints which there are quite of few of their songs they are on that I enjoy. I’ve never bothered to listen to the Junior M.A.F.I.A. or an Outlawz album in it’s entirety so I can’t really say which one is better but if I had to guess I would probably guess that “Conspiracy” is superior just for the presence of Biggie alone on it.
November 16th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Plus, I feel the Outlawz have enough respect for themselves to never allow themselves to make an album cover like this.
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000J6AC.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
November 16th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Funny, I had a premonition that was the cover you were thinking of, before even clicking over. Then again Lil Cease, at least had some flair. More than Hussein Fatal’s wanna-be Keyser Soze rendition.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c0/Hussein_fatal-in_the_line_of_fire.jpg