March 9th, 2008
I don’t know if a light went on in the Rza’s head a while back and the guy suddenly remembered how to make dope beats again, but you can’t deny that Bobby D’s been on a roll of late, first with 8 Diagrams and now his first single from his upcoming Digi Snax album. “You Can’t Stop Me” has that stoner spaghetti Western sound of his 8 Diagrams work and while Rza’s and Deck’s lyrics might not shatter any new ground, it’s probably better than anything off Birth of a Prince. Still not sold about the name Digi Snax though. This is rap music, not an episode of Scooby Doo.
MP3: Rza ft. Inspectah Deck-”You Can’t Stop Me”
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 3 Comments »
March 7th, 2008
If there are any aspiring young rappers out there reading this, now is the time to rejoice. With his second album, Trilla, Rick Ross has proven that all you need to do to have a viable rap career is the foresight to rhyme “Ross” with “Boss.” For those keeping score, that’s two albums on Def Jam, two songs called “Boss. ” Thankfully, for those seeking clarity, the video above explains the truth definition of what it means to be “The Boss.”
Have Moobs
Why: Man boobs are an essential part of being a Ross-like titan of industry. See the numerous close-ups of Ross rolling around in his boxers, breasts a-flopping. Wearing any sort of feminine “manssiere” or “bro” is unmanly and should be shunned. As should self-consciousness. The first rule of being a boss is being aware of your sacred duty to show the world your bossy bosom whenever the video-taped opportunity arises.
Examples of Other Ross Bosses: Frank Costanza, Newman, Your Father.
Refuse to “Make Love” Only Make “Magic”
Why: Self-explanatory.
Examples of other Ross Bosses: Magic Johnson, Magica De Spell, Harry “Pushin’ Maybach’s” Houdini
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Posted in 10 Questions Raised | 9 Comments »
March 7th, 2008
Via Buzz Bands
Things I am okay with as of Thursday, March 6: Tuna tartare, Pau Gasol’s ability to clean up on the offensive glass, and Cambodian psych-pop, specifically LA’s Dengue Fever.
MP3: Dengue Fever-”Seeing Hands”
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
March 6th, 2008
So I’ll be covering SXSW next week for the LA Weekly. I have never been nor do I have any idea of what to expect. I’m pretty excited to go though. I’ve been asking around and have generally been met with the boiler-plate response that “SXSW is awesome.” However, one friend did tell me to expect lots of free BBQ, free liquor, free indie rock and lots of loose women. Which by my guesstimation sounds eerily similar to heaven, or at the very least Freaknik for white people.
The Deadly Syndrome:
Wednesday, March 12 11:30 p.m.
Beauty Bar Backyard (617 E 7th St)
Saturday, March 15 10:00 p.m.
Cedar Street Courtyard (208 W 4th St)
If I were bucking for cool points, I’d say that that the LA band you need to see most at SXSW is No Age or Health. Of course, bucking for cool points by writing about a trendy band on the Internet is perhaps the most un-cool thing I’ve ever heard (every time you say this out loud, another blogger dies). Nothing against Health or No Age, they’ll both appear later on this list, but right now, the best band in town is The Deadly Syndrome.
I’ve brought nearly a dozen people to see these guys in the last year and all but one of them has walked away impressed. Last month, when I was in Mexico at my friend’s wedding, I got to talking to another guest from Seattle who was really into music. When he found out what I did for a living (at least one of us could figure it out), he asked me if I knew about The Deadly Syndrome and then proceeded to tell me they were his new favorite band and wondered out loud why nobody really knew about them. I didn’t really know what to tell him other than that a) they don’t have mustaches b) they don’t wear dresses and c) they’re from LA. You should see them next week if you’re in Austin. If you don’t like them, you’re allowed to write hate mail in the comment section.* Deal. Deal.
*Offer does not apply to people who voted in the 2007 Pazz & Jop Poll.
Download:
The Deadly Syndrome: “Eucalyptus”
Health
Friday, March 14 12:20 a.m.
Flamingo Cantina (515 E 6th St)
Saturday, March 15 2:00 p.m.
SESAC Day Stage Cafe Austin Convention Center (500 E Cesar Chavez St)
I’m not only writing about Health to win cool points (they’re like the 500 ring in a game of hipster skee-ball), I’m writing about them because I like their taste in neon hoodies. I mean, who knew that it was possible for 1988 and 2008 to exist in one American Apparel American made dimension? Retina-shattering use of neon of aside, these Smell staples are pretty awesome live and worthy of the advance hype. I mean these guys are an electronic-minded art-punk band and if that doesn’t get the Pitchfork types going, I don’t know what would. (Panda Bear as Obama VP?)
Download:
MP3: HEALTH-”Crimewave”
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Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 8 Comments »
March 6th, 2008
The guys in Heroes for Popular Wars describe themselves as two musicians, a video artist and a MFA candidate at Pratt, who live in Brooklyn, trying to make gauzy but hooky, electro-acoustic music. We improv a lot with computers, mix choruses with dance-y beats, use found sound collages and processed-to-the-hilt guitars and try to use volume and noise as well as notes to move people.” Oh post-modernism, where did we go wrong? Still, I’m digging their sound and this video is pretty cool in a lo-fi sort of way.
Posted in Videos | 1 Comment »
March 5th, 2008
As the voters of Texas, Rhode Island, Vermont and Ohio filed to the polls yesterday to help decide the Democratic Party’s nomination for President, will.i.am., the capitalization averse mastermind of the Black Eyed Peas continued his steadfast efforts to help elect Senator Barack Obama of Illinois. Indeed, while most election-day volunteers focused on get-out-the-vote efforts, i.am. sat down in his studio to concoct his most powerful campaign song yet, one that reveals his inner-most feelings for the candidate, as well as offering tantalizing sexual favors that have been hard to come by on the campaign trail.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not gay,” i.am said giggling and adjusting the pink fedora that he wore on the set of the new Peas video, “Shake Yo’ Lumpy Love Bumps. “But if Obama needs a little stress relief, I want him to know that I’m there for him. That’s how dedicated i.am to the message of hope and change that Obama brings to the table. Rest assured, I won’t like doing it. At least not much.”
While i.am’s, first two videos featured cameos from the likes of intellectual powerhouses such as John Legend, Scarlet Johansson, Tyrese, Jessica Alba and George Lopez, the Los Angeles native decided that for video number three he needed to offer an honest revelation of the depths of his man-crush. While various beautiful starlets offered to help i.am. in giving Obama hand jobs, i.am. said that this time he needed to go solo.
“When I look into Barack’s baleful brown eyes, he touches the depths of my inner artist,” i.am. averred. “I’ve written many songs that have meant a great deal to many people. “My Humps,” has been proven to cure cancer, “Let’s Get Retarded,” has helped millions of Americans cope with mental retardation and “I Got It From My Mama,” artfully explained the complicated world of genetics. Yet the song-writing process was never more natural than for ‘Hands Holding Hope.’ One second I was wondering what more I could do for Barack, the next I knew the answer: hand jobs.”
Apparently, Oprah was Unavailable
While Obama was unavailable for comment as he gathered at his Chicago headquarters to watch the primary results, an Obama campaign spokesman, Ellis Frumerberg, denied reports that the candidate took i.am. up on his salacious offer.
“Those allegations are preposterous,” Frumerberg said. “Obama has been happily married to his wife Michelle for over 16 years and he would never think about accepting illegal campaign handtributions. And might I add, that if he were to accept one, it would most certainly be from Jessica Alba.”
Clinton campaign staffers were quick to spin this as another example of Obama’s lack of experience.
“When the President is woken up at 3:00 a.m with an emergency crisis., who do you trust to make the right decision?” Clinton said. “Do you want a president willing to go to third base with the man who introduced Fergie to the world? To say nothing of his solo record. He’s the only man on earth capable of making Wyclef Jean look like Bob Marley.”
Anonymous sources inside the Clinton campaign confirmed that Tina Fey had proposed to make out with Clinton on camera in an attempt to woo the MTV crowd. However, the offer was promptly rebuffed.
Download:
MP3: Skip Spence-”Little Hands”
MP3: The Smiths-”Hand in Glove”
Posted in The Fakest News in Town, Best Of, It Got Weird, Didn't It? | 9 Comments »
March 4th, 2008
Over the last two weeks, “Cappuccino,” the new cut from Interscope-signed, LA-by way of New Orleans duo, The Knux, has been in steady rotation at the Passion of the Weiss compound (eerily similar to Samson Simpson’s lair but with less wheelchairs and more crossbows). I’m hoping to catch them at SXSW next week so hopefully I’ll have more to say about them then. In the meantime, just trust me and download it.
MP3: The Knux-”Cappuccino”
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 1 Comment »
March 4th, 2008
It’s hard to avoid American Idol. It’s everywhere. On coke cans, at bus stops, tattooed on that hooker’s shoulder–everywhere. And after 6 & 1/2 years, it’s easy to see why this franchise ain’t goin’ nowhere: Simon. Pretty much whatever Simon says, goes. Whatever he decides on the show, that’s what they do. If he doesn’t want them winning in Hollywood, they lose. If he wants to sleep with the 18 year old Malaysian girl, he gets to. And people seem to eat it up (myself included). All Pharoahe Monch jokes aside, what Simon says, goes. Now, I’m not going to lie to you…a 26 year old male writing an article about Simon Cowell…the first thing I’d think was, ‘wow, what a homo,’ but it’s hard not to admire this guy. And here’s why…
He’s a Wanker!
I trust British people. I’m not sure why, but I do. Maybe it’s the guilt I feel for seceding from their once great imperialistic empire. (though many might assert that their empire really took off once America went their own way. After all, the Dutch really had the stranglehold on the East Indies market…India was mere child’s play in the grand scheme of things. ) But I digress, I assume that every Brit I come across is smarter than me. Maybe it’s the accent. In fact, it’s got to be because sometimes I consider some animals smarter than others according to the sounds they make. No joke. Just last week I had a head to head debate with a giant Galapagos tortoise. While his stance on lettuce was sound, his knowledge of pop culture was lacking.
Power is sexy…
Simon has a unique job in the sense that he gets to hire and fire people almost on a daily basis. It’s kinda like ‘The Apprentice’ but with less fake hair and more women creaming their jeans. This has made Simon into the Hobgoblin of decision making, and women love it. I just wish he had that green thing to float around on while he breaks the spirit of every Peter Parker of the world. Since he doesn’t, he can take pride in knowing that he gets to crush someones life long dream with one simple word: No. And now that Castro is out of power, who do women have to look to to fill their power-driven sexual urges? Bush? Cheney? Randy Jackson?! There is virtually no one that commands as large a viewing audience, and considering Idol got a higher voter turn out than our recent primary election (for PRESIDENT, people), it’s scary to think what may come next. I’m just going to throw this out there: nuke the whales.
…but cash is sexier
Forget the fans. Forget the power. Forget that he knows the business end of pop music better than almost anyone ever. Let’s talk scratch. In 2006 Cowell inked a deal to net him about 40 million a year for 5 more seasons to come. Naked women. Then he signed a syndication contract for his other shows to be licensed out. Wet naked women. Couple that with all the cash he had from his previous ventures in music, and you’ve got one of the richest men in entertainment today. Piles of naked women. Nothing short of Oprah herself can rival Simon anymore, a fact that he’s both very aware of and very proud of. And I think that’s what creates half his persona. “Yeah, I’m better than you. And I can pay you to agree with me. Or I can pay you to fuck off, I really don’t care cause you’re so insignificant.” Maybe I can explain this a bit more simply: his own annual net earnings are comparable to the GDP of all the Central American countries combined, save for Mexico*. Think about it. Now don’t.
In any event, it quickly becomes clear that Simon Cowell is a part of popular culture for thousands of years to come. And while this may be a fact that many of you hate, he’s gotten there for a reason. Any you can too! Just get British and rich, and then learn a lot about the music group, “Take That.’”Already British? Challenge yourself- become un-British, then re-British up, ya wanker! In Simon we trust.
MP3: Yo La Tengo-”We’re An American Band”
MP3: The New Pornographers-”The Bones of an Idol”
Posted in Great Scott | 2 Comments »
March 3rd, 2008
It’s a been a good time here during Bone Thugs week. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve realized that Scrooge McDuck was the original ghetto cowboy and that Mark Price was a member of Mo Thugs. A modicum of knowledge has been dropped and I have made more bad jokes using the word ruggish than there are dead souls walking through the “Crossroads” video. I compiled a Bone Thugs Greatest hits to post and discovered about five minutes ago that it’s eerily similar to the Bone Thugs Greatest Hits. Anyhow, the link is below and it has songs from The Great White Hype Soundtrack and any film that has Samuel Jackson playing a character named “The Reverend Fred Sultan” is okay by me.
ZIP: Passion of the Weiss/Bone Thugs-N-Harmony Greatest Hits (Left-Click)
Video for E. 1999
Video for Look Into My Eyes
Video for Bizzy Bone-”Where Thugz Cry”
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 2 Comments »
March 2nd, 2008
Last Thursday night’s Mezzanine Owls Digital EP/7″ release deserves more than than the cursory paragraph summary I’m going to give it. I’m pressed for time on this sunny Sunday and besides Mouse from Classical Geek Theatre has already spent 1000 words documenting the evening, as have several others (also see Jax’s mega-post.) At the risk of redundancy, I’d like to add to the praise. Out of the half dozen or so times I’ve seen the Mezzanine Owls, this was by far their best performance, an observation that Kevin Bronson seconded. Not to say that they hadn’t impressed me before, but they’ve taken that Step to the next level. The jump from good local band to one worthy of breaking out. They’re playing at SXSW next week and you should see them out if you get the chance.
The Mae Shi, who closed out with the evening with an electric, jittery performance will also be playing at SXSW. They are also very good. I’ve never really weighed in on The Smell bands, mainly due to my own preference to mock rap videos from the 90s to dog-piling the indie hype machine. But to get all bandwagony, the lot get the official Passion of the Weiss Seal of Approval (comes with free cassette single of “Motownphilly.”) Live, The Mae Shi are a cross between Health and The Deadly Syndrome, loud, histrionic gestures (Christmas lights, white sheets), endless energy and general awesomeness. Now that I’m using the word “awesomeness” again it’s an obvious sign that I need to get outside and enjoy my Sunday. Olly olly oxen free.
Download: from The Mezzanine Owls Digital EP
MP3: Mezzanine Owls-”Snowglobe”
MP3: The Mae Shi-”Run to Your Grave”
Posted in Beards, Blazers, & Glasses | 5 Comments »
