January 23rd, 2008
By the time you read this, Scott Towler will be best friends with not one but two Corey’s. How many Corey’s are you friends with?
Reality sucks. This was my mantra, the one that I’d led my career by. I was wrong. Reality is king because there isn’t any scripted programming left. Well, at least admittedly scripted. So a decade after Survivor 1, as reality continues to crush the competition, I thought I’d profile a few of my favorites. And for the record, I wanted a Reality Bites poster for the top of this piece (ha, I said piece), but it came off as too emotional, so I thought, “What’s the opposite of emotional?” Clearly, the opposite of emotional is porn.
Are You Not Entertained?
Reality loves the contest format. Pair two people, reveal their inner most issues, then make them share a room and eat a snake for cash! CBS executives thought they’d turned water into wine after they created this winning formula. But much unlike the drivel they churn out weekly on The Amazing Racist and Survivorthis!, American Gladiators kicks ass. Sure Hulk Hogan has varicose veins popping out of every place he ever ‘roided, and sure 2/3 of the actual gladiators are wearing less then when I’m in the nude, and OK fine- one of the male gladiators is a former gay porn star- but isn’t that what makes reality great? No. No, most certainly not. Tune in though for hard hitting, ass kicking competition where men get to remember on a weekly basis that women are irrefutably the weaker sex.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Great Scott | 5 Comments »
January 22nd, 2008
Inspired by a headline on HipHopGame.com that described Fat Joe’s latest opus as a ‘gangster rap album’” (as though he were departing from his recent string of prog-folk-protest-spoken words LP’s), Zilla Rocca has stared into the abyss and uncovered shocking scoops about a slew of upcoming rap records. Please feel free to add your own news updates as you see fit.
From Billboard.com:
- Fat Joe describes upcoming album as a “gangster rap album” that will get “no love whatsoever from the streets” but sell “a sh*tload of ringtones” because of his “versatility” and “love” for Miami, Houston, Atlanta, the Bay Area, and whichever “hot” hip hop spot pops up during the recording of said album, which he will no doubt “incorporate” in bringing that “new Fat Joe sh*t.”
- Lil’ Wayne describes upcoming album as an “uneven collection of similar, overly praised punchlines by white hipster bloggers who drink Sparks for breakfast.” Wayne also describes his upcoming album as a dedication to his “hetero-lifemate” Birdman, akin to what “Jay and Silent Bob would do on record” if they were tattooed “Southern millionaire, ballers” who hated wearing t-shirts.
- Busta Rhymes describes upcoming album as “my greatest attempt yet to break the world’s record for use of the ‘n word’ on a recorded piece of media.” Sources tell Billboard.com that possible song titles include “All My N*ggas and B*tches In the Place Need to Value Chivalry,” “N*ggas Really Enjoy My New Muscles, and So Do B*tches,” and “All My N*ggas in the House Haven’t Been Satisfied Since ‘E.L.E’.”
Somebody’s Gonna’ Bake An Awfully Large Pizza
- Raekwon describes upcoming Cuban Linx 2 album as “the best write-off Dr. Dre has ever handled, dunn.” Full of “punch you in your sh*t” tracks, the Chef promises to take fans into his “chamber, namean, where you got the Lex Diamond and the Figaro King on some ‘oh sh*t’ namean, ‘cause yo, when this pelican drops out the sky real quick, namean the game gon’ be a casserole at Sunday brunch, n*gga!” Calls to Aftermath have not been returned, nor do they have any record of a “Raekwon” on their roster of artists.
- Eminem describes upcoming album as “my best 70 minute dick joke yet.” Marshall Mathers, who hasn’t released a proper studio album 2004’s Encore, has been in the studio “really studying the art of production” by listening to more “late 70s and early 80s rock radio songs” and promising to incorporate new sounds like “whatever Dr. Dre is doing right now,” only “really, really quite terrible.”
- Lauryn Hill describes her long awaited follow up to 1998’s Album of the Year The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill as a “work in progress.” But Ms. Hill wants her fans not to worry– Pras, her fellow Fugee cohort, will “not be allowed within 200 yards of a microphone, mixing console, vocal booth, or soda machine.”
- Jay-Z describes his follow-up to the recently released American Gangster Soundtrack as a “look into my past as a former drug dealer who turned his life around by succeeding in the music business and eventually landing a famous singer, opening some clubs, and owning a basketball franchise.” Early reports link Mr. Carter, formerly president of Def Jam/Universal, and his new album to the next logical movie tie-in, Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo.
Download:
MP3: Zilla Rocca-”Hold Your Head”
MP3: Zilla Rocca-”Faster Blade Freestyle”
Posted in The Beat Generation | 5 Comments »
January 21st, 2008
Granted, there’s something undeniably unctuous about watching hipsters dance to hip-hop. And yes, there were least four moments during the opening acts on Saturday night when you could hear me yelling loudly to anyone who would listen that “white people killed hip-hop.” (Let’s just say there should be some sort of taxing entrance exam to be a white rapper.) But you can’t really blame artists for their fan base, except possibly Tool.
As for the The Cool Kids, the way in which they slap new packaging on old ideas may lack originality, but they put on a fun live set, one that reminded me how much I missed the old two MC’s and one DJ arrangement that used to be standard, but seems almost novelty these days (shouts also to Clean Guns). Lyrically, these guys are just okay, but I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt considering Mikey Rocks is just 19 years and figures to improve with age. Plus, in their 808 minimalism some of their beats are pretty great. My review’s up right now at the LA Times, so check it out if you’re into that sort of thing.
LA Times: Cool Kids Review
Download:
MP3: The Cool Kids-”I (Mikey) Rock”
MP3: The Cool Kids-”Black Mags”
Posted in LA Times | 4 Comments »
January 18th, 2008
Maybe I was a tad harsh in my Juno soundtrack for the Weekly. Among other things, I declared that I’d rather be sentenced to a Groundhog Day–like eternity with Richard Simmons, clad in an American-flag unitard, leading senior citizens in the Soulja Boy dance rather than listen to it again. I also said that I’d prefer be forced to read a 943-page David Foster Wallace essay on A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, or receive the torture treatment prescribed by Method Man on 36 Chambers (the one involving getting my asshole sewn shut and being fed until I look like Juno.) But the truth is that if there is a hell, I imagine that this record will be the soundtrack. Well, that and Man Man.
LA Weekly: Review of the Juno Soundtrack
Download (I’ll spare you the Moldy Peaches):
MP3: Belle & Sebastian-”Piazza, New York Catcher”
MP3: The Kinks-”20th Century Man”
Posted in LA Weekly | 16 Comments »
January 17th, 2008
God knows what Del’s been doing since the millennium. The guy practically retired around then, after dropping the rightfully canonized Deltron 3030 record and appearing on “Clint Eastwood.” It was a weird move considering that with all that Gorillaz exposure, Del could’ve probably signed with a major (at a time when people actually bought rap albums) and made a real play for that Damon Albarn money. Instead, he faded into oblivion, popping up only on the occasional Hiero album and claiming that he spent the rest of his hiatus studying music theory.
I’m calling bullshit. It’s damn near impossible to study music theory, all day, every day for eight years without getting a Dr. in front of your name. I’m not doubting that Del knows his stuff, I’m more disappointed that he couldn’t come up with a better explanation than “musical theory.” Couldn’t he have said that he was fighting cyborgs on Deltron, or that he’d finally found his brother George or hell, that he’d been smoking sherm? I mean music theory? Is he trying to be a rapper or get a job at Pitchfork?
Now he’s back and about to drop an album on Def Jux, as good a home as any for his brand of left-field rap, but not a great place to sell a bunch of records which according to this interview with Drop Magazine is one of his big hopes with his self-produced comeback album The 11th Hour. His single “Bubble Pop” sounds pretty far removed from the post-apocalyptic space choir of Deltron 3030 and even further than the Brit pop/hip-hop fusion of The Gorillaz. Lifting the familiar “Take me to the Mardi Gras” loop that Run DMC used on “Pied Piper,” the track somehow sounds simultaneously retro-minimalist and futuristic. A bassline gurgles, bells rings, scuffed, dusted drums kick and Del spits some generic if not well-crafted shit talking. I like it well enough, more because it’s good to hear Del back more than anything spectacular about the track. As for The 11th Hour, I’ve heard mixed things, but I’m willing to give Del the benefit of the doubt. As long as he comes up with a better excuse than music theory.
MP3: Del tha Funkee Homosapien-”Bubblepop”
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 4 Comments »
January 17th, 2008
Welcome to yet another edition of Disco Vietnam’s The Pick-Up Artist, because if there is one thing the members of Disco Vietnam understand it’s women. Today’s lesson will be brought to you, once again, by Disco Vietnam affiliate and board-certified mack Dr. Chet Rockstone. Dr. Rockstone has slept with so many chicks his balls can hold their own presidential primary.
“Black man watch out, she salt-water trout
Al Deuce dug her back out, inside the dugout.
Heard the pussy was good, big niggaz fell victim
Mentally stripped em, one God turned Christian!
- Ghostface Killah, “Marvel”
Yo God, let me pour y’all the science about the womb
It’s a black hole for those who lose control
- RZA, “Marvel”
Full disclosure: I, Dr. Chet Rockstone, am a Giants fan to the death. Let’s Go G-men!!! I never miss a game; I’m on the waitlist for season tickets (35 more years!); I even fully endorse the use of the term “G-fense” in casual conversation. So I might be a little biased when I say I think our defense played their fucking asses off Sunday night baby! Even Eli Manning came through with a gutsy, gutsy performance, a performance made all the more impressive when you consider he’s only 6-years-old! What could you do when you were 6-years-old!? Huh?!
Still, burdened with the wisdom that comes with being Dr. Chet Rockstone, I can find little satisfaction in this victory. In spite of our seemingly great performance I can’t help but think … perhaps ‘twas darker forces that conspired for our favor; dark forces whose power is beyond anything you or I could ever imagine.
Pussy.
Nice Izod Shirt
We have a lot of fun here at Disco Vietnam Pick-Up Artistry, don’t we? We drink some beers, have a couple of laughs, and we learn stuff about chicks to manipulate them into doing things with us they don’t even realize they might like doing yet. But, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get serious for a minute:
When I talk about pussy, I’m not talking about women. I’m talking about pussy. There is a world of difference and understanding this difference is crucial to both your personal and professional survival.
They say behind every great man is a great woman. If we are to accept this rather suspiciously convenient logic (I’m onto you “They.” You’re probably some chick) then, naturally, behind every disgrace, failure and fallen empire is the dry stench of salt-water trout. Women weaken legs but pussy will weaken your entire existence. Especially if you ask it to.
The haunting closing track of Ghostface Killah’s 1996 debut Ironman “Marvel” will tell you everything you need to know about pussy, the nature of pussy and the ways in which pussy can destroy a man before he even gets a chance to become one. A companion piece to the greatest break-up song of all time, the appropriately vitriolic “Wildflower,” “Marvel” is a veritable laundry list of the consequences you invite into your life when you confuse love for lust and let your temptations govern your decisions. Never let your dick think for you. That’s your brain’s job and he’s awesome at it. And never, ever confuse your dick for your heart, either.
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Posted in Disco Vietnam | 5 Comments »
January 16th, 2008
I first heard Mally from the 612 a few months ago when he and Zilla collaborated on a track called “Sunbathing Bitches.” The track was quite good but I never wrote about it because I’m forgetful, lazy and spiteful. Plus, I hate sunbathing bitches. (Though if you are a sunbathing bitch with a good personality, a love of literature, guacamole, and Wu-Tang, I can be reached at passionweiss@gmail.com. Ask for Larry.)
I’m a bit off course now. The reason for this post is to tell you that Mally has delivered another hot track, this one entitled “My People.” My man Fresh at 33 Jones has more info on Mally, so head over there if you want to know more about this promising young MC (no Bust a Move). Otherwise, download the song below, the beat is warm, soulful and funky and Mally pretty much kills it. Fresh thinks Mally’s got a chance to make a career at this rapping thing (dude’s still in college) and I co-sign that argument. With his sophomore album slated to drop later this year and an appearance or two on Clean Guns’ much-awaited Yadibox mixtape, chances are you’ll probably be hearing a lot more of him.
MP3: Mally from the 612-”My People”
MP3: Zilla Rocca & Mally From the 612-”Sunbathing Bitches”
Posted in Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought? | 1 Comment »
January 16th, 2008
Los Angeles always seems strange in the rain. Jim Morrison once may have said something to that effect. Then again, Jim Morrison once declared himself the lizard king and was known to drink blood at wiccan ceremonies, so maybe he wasn’t the best best guy to take advice from. But he was right in this instance. On those rare moments when actual weather interrupts the city’s 340 days of blue sky and white light, LA takes on an unnaturally sinister tone more commonly found in film noir than in actual everyday reality.
About a week ago, a howling gale shook the town, dumping buckets of sweaty, oily rain all over the city. Everyone panicked. Drivers either ignored the inclement weather to skid into jagged wrecks, or else they inched forward at five miles per, crawling timidly and fearfully as though they’d never seen a drop of precipitation in their lives. It was the sort of storm that made you feel like you were trespassing on the earth. The blocks were flooded and each mile I drove, a deluge of hissing spit battered my windshield. On my stereo, the tweaked out, sugar rush of Los Campesinos giggled and I was struck with the epiphany that at that moment, there was nothing I wanted to hear less.
I wanted storm music. Lightning, thunder and wrath of the gods type shit. Fuck all that twee noise, I wanted to bump In the Future (and watch Back to the Future but that’s a separate, ongoing thing that we must discuss at a later date). So with the wind shaking my car all across the road, the sky pitched and cackling, Black Mountain’s ferocious assault rained down upon my head. The first track, is called “Stormy High.” It might be the most appropriately named thing you’ll hear all year. Another song is fittingly called “Wild Wind.” The album itself is a brooding, towering heavy work of psychedelia. A drug-addled, shambling record that re-shapes Sabbath, Pink Floyd, Led Zep, into an unsettling, gorgeous mass. To paraphrase the words of another man often compared to the late lizard king, it’s enough to make you want to make it rain.
Buy In the Future
From In the Future
MP3: Black Mountain-”Tyrants”
From Black Mountain
MP3: Black Mountain-”Druganaut”
Posted in Album Reviews | 5 Comments »
January 15th, 2008
“You may all go to Hell…I will go to Texas”-Davy Crockett
Davy Crockett’s tombstone reads: “Davy Crockett, Pioneer, Patriot, Soldier, Trapper, Explorer, State Legislator, Congressman, Martyred at The Alamo.” It fails to mention that he killed a bear when he was but a wee lad of three, but hey, there’s only so long you can go with an epitaph before you start to bore people. Crockett also wrote a book, the creatively titled, Narrative of the Life of Davy Crockett. Though it contains no mention of Silverlake, it does have an entire chapter on the proper way to wear buckskin. (”Snug, with just enough room to breath.”)
Over the years, the legend of Crockett has manifested itself in various forms. There was the Disneyfied, coonskin-cap wearing, King of the Wild Frontier, popularized by Fess Parker in such films as Davy Crockett Goes to Congress and Davy Crockett and the River Pirates. There was Davy Crockett as gay cowboy (presumably) in Davy Crockett: Rainbow in the Thunder. There was Davy Crockett as drunk existentialist, as played by Billy Bob Thornton in 2004’s maligned, The Alamo. And as 2008 dawns, with its nebulous promise of a shift of the winds, it is time to unveil the latest incarnation of Crockett folklore: the hipster Davey Crockett.
Granted, it was only Thursday night that the first intrepid, visionary coonskin-cap wearer stepped into Spaceland as though he was opening up Indian territory to Western expansion. And yes, it was just one hipster in one bar in one city. But rest assured this trend has the potential to spread like wildfire once the Harry and the Hendersons set realizes that not only can they project a new virile, musket-carrying image to their fair leggings, ladies. More importantly, they can completely alter the hipster space time continuum, sending the wookie-world hurtling back to 1955. No longer will your favorite Eastside denizens look like they stepped out of an cocaine orgy that may or may not have involved Pat Benatar. Yessir, 2008 holds the promise of a bold new paradigm. Coonskin caps. Greased hair. Cigarette packs rolled into tight white tees. Poodle skirts. Malt shop chic. As for me, I highly doubt I’ll adopt Crockett’s sartorial flair, though if enough hipsters end up ironically rocking dead raccoons for the rest of the winter, it’s highly probably that I’ll tell everyone to go hell and set out for the Lone Star state. I hear Austin is lovely this time of year.
First Hype Machine Sensation of the Year?
Download:
MP3: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!-”Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth”
MP3: Fess Parker-”The Ballad of Davy Crockett”
Posted in It Got Weird, Didn't It? | 8 Comments »
January 14th, 2008
My article in this issue of the LA Weekly attempts to parse how Lupe Fiasco has sold nearly 250,000 copies of The Cool despite a weak sales climate and his stunning ability to alienate the entire Internet. It also analyzes the question of why hip-hop fans want to get high with their favorite rappers. There are epigraphs from Catcher in the Rye and “How to Roll a Blunt.” Hopefully, you will be entertained.
The LA Weekly: No One Wants to Smoke a Blunt With Lupe Fiasco
Update: LA Times Review of Lupe Fiasco Live at Anaheim HOB
Download:
MP3: Lupe Fiasco-”Go-Go Gadget Flow”
Posted in LA Weekly, LA Times | 21 Comments »
