So there’s this show and it’s kind of in conjunction with this pretty big story on LA bedroom indie labels that I wrote in this issue of The LA Weekly. And if you’re not doing anything Monday night you should go because it’s $10 and its going to be a fun time. I promise. And yes, Aaron Kyle will still beat you with The Le Switch if you don’t attend.
This list has very little to do with Back to the Future II. However, I am writing it from the inside of a Delorean.
19. Pete Rock ft. Styles P & Sheek Louch-”914″
Released by Nature Sounds in January as the single from Pete Rock’ s still shelved New York’s Finest record, “914″ has inevitably become a hit among rich kids in Westchester County, stoked that Yonkers and Scarsdale share an area code. Despite capable verses from Styles P and Sheek Louch (or as they’re commonly known in Black Hebrew Circles: A Side of Lox), Rock owns the track without saying a word, with a beat full of filthy drums, muffled horns, and the grimy New York subway rattle that he made his name on.
Download:
MP3: Pete Rock ft. Styles P and Sheek Louch-”914″
18. Rich Boy-”Throw Some D’s Out On It Remix”
How about we just start by listing the bad things about this song. First, of all it has Rich Boy on it. And I know people are really into the whole, “let’s pretend that Rich Boy isn’t completely garbage” thing, but I’m not hearing it. He’s pretty awful. I even listened to his eponymous NAMBLA-enticing debut twice and both times Rich Boy’s entreaties to be a “Hustla Boy Gangsta Mack” barely lured me in. Barely. Also, the “Throw Some D’s Remix” has a verse from Murphy Lee talking about how my girl has a picture of him on her wall. This is not true. I don’t date girls with pictures of St. Lunatics on my wall. In fact, I’m willing to bet that Murphy Lee’s sister doesn’t even have a picture of Murphy Lee on her wall. On the plus side, Andre 3000 kicks off his string of awesome ‘07 guest appearances, The Game rambles about Cadillacs and Jim Jones ad-libs the word, “Innocent,” while talking about his “kosher lawyers.” And sadly, this never fails to amuse me.
MP3: Rich Boy (ft. Andre 3000, Jim Jones, Murphy Lee, The Game)-”Throw Some D’s On It Remix”
17. Lil Wayne-”Dipset”
Yes, I still think Lil Wayne is easily the most overrated rapper of our time and still believe that calling him the greatest rapper alive immediately discounts your opinion. However, overrated and bad aren’t necessarily synonymous. In fact, on occasion Wayne almost lives up to the hyperbole. Think of him as hip-hop’s Rob Deer. He strikes out way too much to be rightfully considered a superstar, but when he makes contact it goes a long way. [Insert Baby joke here]. Over the instrumental for “Reppin’ Time,” Wayne’s sneering stream of consciousness rant perfectly matches the beats swagger and bombast. Lyrically, it’s so knowingly absurd you can’t help but laugh. Although, I wouldn’t recommend using Wayne’s patented, “Bitch, I have a great idea…we should sex” theory, nor would I advocate only using “Cristal to pour over white bitches heads.” That’s just superfluous.
MP3: Lil Wayne-”Dipset”
16. Brother Ali-”Truth Is”
If Slug had written a single half this catchy, he’d probably have made some in-roads in the much-coveted Soulja Boy 13-year old white girl demographic. But Brother Ali has absolutely no commercial appeal. He’s a strident, fire-breathing, Albino from Minneapolis who looks like a cross between Powder and a B-boy from Wild Style. He’s also steadily improved since he broke in with Rhymesayers in 2002 to the point where he deservedly earned an opening slot supporting Ghost and Rakim on this year’s Hip Hop Live! tour. With its huge hook, Ali’s fierce preacher’s cadence and Ant’s umbrella-in-drink tropical funk, “Truth Is” is as effortless and catchy as indie rap gets.
15. Percee P ft. Diamond D-”2 Brothers From The Gutter”
Had Madlib handed these brilliant blunted beats over to Doom, you’d already be long sick of hearing about Madvillain II’s excellence. Instead, that project exists only in a rap-nerd fantasy world (excelsior) and we get Perseverance, a surprisingly strong record in spite of Percee’s one-note lyrics about how great his lyrics are. There’s a good half dozen songs that really stand out, but this might be the best. Percee and Diamond D try to impose the gravity of their anachronistic flows against Madlib’s stoned MegaMan 2 beat, full of fuzzy cheap synths, bright Mario Brothers coin clicks and after-school Nintendo nostalgia. Instead it just soars away into its own universe.
Download:
MP3: Percee P ft. Diamond D.-”Two Brothers From the Gutter”
25. Chamillionaire ft. Slick Rick: “Hip Hop Police”
Chamillionaire’s a good rapper. His flow kind of reminds me of Krayzie Bone had he grown up chugging syrup through humid Houston summers. And unlike a lot of Southern rappers, Chamillionaire has interesting ideas, even if he doesn’t always know the best way to implement them. “Hip Hop Police” is one of those moments where he connects, with Paul Wall’s former better half in storytelling mode, venting about the hip-hop police playing the role of both suspect and cop. But Slick Rick owns the track, rocking his eye patch, with an effortless ‘88 swagger down to the fat gold ropes still clanging around his neck. It’s the sort of verse that reminds you how he got the nickname “the ruler.”
Download:
MP3: Chamillionaire ft. Slick Rick-”Hip Hop Police”
24. Consequence ft. Kanye West-”The Good, The Bad, The Ugly”
If you found Graduation a little too “Euro” for your tastes, you’d probably prefer this song off of Consequence’s debut album, Don’t Quit Your Day Job. Kanye chipmunk souls a dusty Smokey Robinson sample and steps away from the boards to show Consequence how he himself must’ve felt after “Diamonds of Sierra Leone.” You also have to like the fact that Kanye manages to spit a verse without a Luis Vuitton reference. Huzzah.
MP3: Consequence-”The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”
23. Clean Guns-”We Just Run Things” .
Zilla Rocca and Nico the Beast definitely had some very good songs on their debut, Sometimes There is Trouble, and on their Living in Harmony mixtape, but with “We Just Run Things” they deliver their first great song. On this cut, the first on their mixtape with World Domination Headquarters, they master songcraft, paring catchy hooks with complex lyricism, and a sharp, subtle sense of humor. It’s the difference between rappers who can put out a good album versus those who can have a career.
Download:
MP3: Clean Guns-”We Just Run Things”
Download the entire mixtape for free here (left-click)
22. Freeway-”Roc-A-Fella Billionaires”
I’ve made my thoughts on the Freeway album well-known, but however mediocre it is, I do really like a couple tracks. This is probably my favorite. Dame Grease supplies a beat full of shrill whistles and marching band horns that sounds right at home on Hard Knock Life Vol. 2, as does Jay, who pretty much lays Freeway to waste. Leaked way back in June, this was probably the first time that everyone should’ve realized that Jay-Z had decided to attempt being a good rapper again.
MP3: Freeway-”Roc-A-Fella Billionaires”
21. Little Brother-”Can’t Win For Losing”
Track 2 on Little Brother’s first 9th Wonder-less album, “Can’t Win For Losing” is a sort of state of the union for the group. But if it weren’t more than just that, it probably wouldn’t be very notable, considering only 14 people really cared that 9th Wonder left the group in the first place (eight of of which were probably in Phonte’s family). Tacitly answering the doubters, not only does Illmind provide a better beat than anything 9th ever gave them (”The Listening” excluded), but Phonte manages to intelligently articulate the difficulties and struggles inherent in being an independent-minded artist without sounding whiny. Which is much harder than it seems.
MP3: Little Brother-”Can’t Win For Losing”
20. Phat Kat-”Nasty Ain’t It”
As the well of posthumously released Dilla beats grows dry, this should be remembered as one of the last great ones. A metallic, dystopian slice of ice-cold futuristic-funk, “Nasty Ain’t It” leaves one wondering if Dilla was only really beginning to enter his prime. Meanwhile Phat Kat dashes Blade Runner-like past the screeching whistles and ringing alarms of the track, roaring with a spectacularly surly lung-scorched growl and a barely contained rage.
MP3: Phat Kat-”Nasty Ain’t It”
You aren’t going to find many kids songs on this list, but thankfully you can find music and arts on the Web for your children. One of the most simple arts and crafts supplies, that being a healthy supply of different coloring sheets to choose from, can be found on plenty of kids arts and crafts websites.
After an intense scrutiny of the video for “Sensual Seduction” confirmed what a battery of MRI exams had already hinted at, neurologist Gerald Schwartz of The Mayo Clinic has decisively concluded that the rapper, Snoop Dogg, has smoked himself “retarded.”
“Retarded isn’t a term we even use anymore, but in this case it just seems to fit,” Schwartz said, furrowing his brow and waving his hands in air as though he actually does care. “Sometime around The Doggfather, Snoop’s chronic use of chronic began to take its toll. Subsequent forays in the world of pornography, youth football and whatever Doggy Fizzle Telefizzle was, are further evidence of his burn-out, “The unfortunate reality is that 98.3 percent of Snoop Dogg’s cerebral synapses are smothered in THC like birds dying on the beach after an oil spill.”
Schwartz displayed the results of the questionnaire that Mr. Dogg filled out upon being admitted to the Mayo clinic.
“Look at this!” Schwartz said, showing reporters a Mayo entrance questionnaire where Dogg had written his name: Calvin Broadizzle Deezle. “The subject is unable to properly spell his own name correctly, not to mention he’s exhibited classic schizophrenic behavior, by frequently requesting a voice box to sing into and asking the staff if they know whether or not he’s a freak. He also kept on repeating the word, “Bootsy over and over again.”
Let’s Just Cut to the Chase, There is Never a Bad Time To Post a Cover of a Zapp Album
Dogg’s former mentor, Dr. Dre declined to comment on his colleague’s medical condition, cl claiming to be too busy with his rigorous daily routine of snorting power shakes and bench-pressing baby elephants.
However, Dre’s half-brother, frequent Snoop collaborator, Warren G, opened up to reporters about his fallen friend.
“Snoop….man….Snoop likes his weed,” Warren G said, pausing, sighing and staring at the heavens. “I don’t know why people still give him so much attention. I mean, you people do you realize that he’s spit the same 16 bars in every verse since 1997? What about me? I’m Warren G. Don’t you guys remember “Regulate?” Or “This is the Shack” Those were awesome, right? ”
After initially turning down several interview requests, Snoop Dogg gathered reporters to his house out in the hills right next to Chino, to deny reports of Schwartz’s damning theories. Wearing nothing but a rhinestone studded lame jumpsuit and an electric guitar, the Long Beach bred rapper waggled his finger at the assembled media.
“You’ll reportizzle is off-fizzle…Snoop Dizzle is still number wizzle. Pizzle, bitches. Pizzle.”
Dogg then dismissed the crowd with a wave, an air pimp-slap and a villainous laugh. As for Schwartz, he contends that Dogg is slated to report back to the Mayo clinic in two weeks for some highly experimental brain therapy.
“We’re determined to try to recover as much of his brain matter as possible,” Schwartz said. We’re going to get him on a manageable five blunt a day diet with no more than two glasses a day of Gin and Juice. We’re also playing him an endless loop of The Chronic and Doggystyle and we’re also considering showing Snoop re-runs of The L Word, specifically his guest appearances as ‘Slim Daddy.”
Download:
MP3: Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg-”Nuthin’ But a G Thing”
MP3: Snoop Dogg-”Gin And Juice”
If you need more drug info for specific reasons, such as to find out if marijuana will have any sorts of drug side effects during pregnancy, then while you should consult a doctor about the drugs you are taking you can also use the Internet to find out a lot about drugs and their effects.
Blogger/musician/jai alai champion/renaissance man, Douglas “Fresh Cherries From Yakima” Martin asked me to contribute a post to his on-going December List-Season Entries. The topic: 10 Things I Hate About Fresh Cherries From Yakima. It includes a discussion of Jordan Knight, the City of Yakima and Boy Bands in general. I can’t promise that it’s good, but I can promise that it’s at least as good as 10 Things I Hate About You.
10 Things I Hate About Fresh Cherries From Yakima
How About We Start With 10 Things I Hate About This Poster
Nerd Litter sees Menomena, admits that he has SARS.
Dart Adams reviews pretty much every hip-hop album of the last month in this one post.
In elite circles in the Cayman Islands, Zilla Rocca is hailed as a deity.
It’s now early January 2004, roughly 11 months before I quit my job as a most distinguished retail associate. It’s that time of the year when all businesses slow down after the mad holiday rush of working long hours to make 40% of your profits for the entire year. I savor this time because the phones don’t ring. Traffic isn’t as violent and annoying. People are back to being assholes to each other in public. Normalcy.
Our store was right off of the
Because Tiny Lister Needed the Work
It’s about
You Can Never Trust a Place Called The Chez Bippy
Very firmly we said to him, “Sir, you CAN’T leave the store yet. We have to check your bag.” The guy looked like he just shit himself. His options were to A) turn around run like hell into the night with his bag of goodies, B) drop his booster bag and then turn around and run like hell, or C) attack us and run away with whatever was left of the botched shoplifting scheme.
He chose D) calmly walk backwards out the door while casually assuring us that he indeed didn’t really have anything in his bag. “Oh, that’s nothing. I came in with this bag. It must be from the other store. It’s no big deal. I’m about to just get on the bus!” Again, we firmly said, “No sir, don’t even THINK about leaving. You have something in your bag and we have to look at it or else we call the cops!” And he just brushed it off while slowly creeping through the door! “Oh no, trust me, I don’t have ANYTHING. Your alarm system is probably acting up. I’m late for the bus.”
Iowa: Like Philly But With More Corn
We were never in this position before. No training video had ever presented us with this situation. We looked at each other and said, “F*ck it, let’s get him!” We told our manager to call the cops and broke out into the freezing parking lot. Stupidly, this jackass didn’t run towards
Download:
MP3: Zilla Rocca-”Faster Blade Freestyle”
MP3: Zilla Rocca-”Hold Your Head Bounce”
If you love Christmas and you love sweaters, this might just be for you.
Download:
MP3: The Deadly Syndrome-”Eucalyptus”
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