Welcome to yet another edition of Disco Vietnam’s The Pick-Up Artist, because if there is one thing the members of Disco Vietnam understand it’s women. Today’s lesson will be brought to you by Disco Vietnam affiliate and board-certified mack Dr. Chet Rockstone. Dr. Chet Rockstone comes to us with a wealth of experience, having served as the personal mack instructor to the stars for over 10 years. Dr. Rockstone has slept with so many chicks when you ask him for a ballpark figure he says, “Yes!”

Before we proceed with today’s lesson I, Dr. Chet Rockstone, would like to review a couple of things:

1. All chicks are fucking insane

2. See rule 1.

Yes indeedeedoo my friends! The secret to landing that cinnamon bun broad of your wettest waking dreams is to understand chicks don’t really have brains. Dudes have brains! Yeah, and we got something else, too! Haha! Do the math, chumps!

You Can Always Trust a Doctor Whose Name is Rockstone.

You see, dudes are logical; chicks are emotional. That’s the dialectic. When dudes argue with chicks our objective is to present a series of rational explanations for our decisions. When chicks argue with dudes, however, their objective is to get us to lose our fucking minds by forcing us to think with our emotions, something dudes aren’t capable of doing with any proficiency while still being hot for chicks.

So, if you want to land that hot broad you got to make logic triumph over emotion. Understanding the simple logic “all women are fucking crazy” and using that information to your advantage will surely put you on the path to landing that smoking hot delicious piece of salt water trout you’ve been smacking your lips thinking about since you first got a whiff. Hell yeah!

Now, without further ado I would like to present today’s lesson, something I like to call “Splitting 8s.”

Splitting 8s is a highly advanced technique. Some of you may have difficulty grasping the concept and for those people I recommend either reviewing the previous chapters of Disco Vietnam’s Pick-Up Artistry or beating’ off.

Let’s say you meet two hot young chicks, one blonde, the other brunette. They’re two young idealistic 22-year-olds just out of college getting their first taste of the real world. And I don’t need to remind you guys, it’s a jungle out there. You remember, right? Well, guess what? Thing haven’t changed. It’s still a jungle out there and while our two hot chicks may not want to admit to it, you can tell they’re a bit overwhelmed (Don’t forget to prey on their weakness! See chapter 7 for review).

Now, let’s say you’ve met them with some of your friends on a Wednesday night where all of you had a great time dancing to indie rock or early 90s Top 40 rap or something (I don’t know what you kids do). You immediately recognize they are best friends, seemingly connected at the hip, but in their obvious desperation to meet new people and make this gigantic crazy jungle they’ve entered just a little bit smaller they both give you their numbers. Two days later, as is recommended in the guidebook, you call them up to invite them to a chill DJ party in the Lower East Side. They seem interested and sure enough they show up. This time your friends are gone and it’s just you and two girls and here’s where it gets interesting.

You dance with both girls equally, drink with both girls equally, talk to both girls equally, flirt with both girls equally, smoke with both girls equally. By all accounts it’s defintely on. But with who?

Here are your scenarios:

1. Neither

2. The blonde

3. The brunette

4. The blonde and the brunette

5. The blonde and the brunette, at the same time.

As you can see by scenario 5 you have an opportunity of a lifetime here if you play it right. Well, the only way to play this right: split your 8s.

Disco Vietnam’s Pick-Up Artist Book Sold Separately

When playing Blackjack, if in the event you are dealt two 8s, two fairly good cards that appear to be of equal value, it is generally understood you split them. Splitting 8s is generally considered a defensive play, a means of cutting one’s losses. However, in this case I would argue it is a means of maximizing success. 4 of those 5 scenarios are fucking awesome. By splitting 8s what you’re actually doing is letting the game come to you.

You may happen to like the brunette more than the blonde, but let’s not get crazy here. You should never let something as meaningless as your personal preferences leave you with dry balls. You don’t have to choose which chick wants to hook-up with you just as you don’t have to choose which one of your 8s will beat the dealer once you hit. All you can really do is just hit on both individually and get the fuck out of the way. The more you leave these decisions up to girls the more in control they feel. But they’re not in control. Ever. They’re chicks. They’re fucking nuts. You’re in control.

Of course it’s important to note: women aren’t actually cards; women are women, and as we’ve established, women are fucking insane. Don’t forget, you can use this to your advantage in a variety of ways. Create a subtle competition for your affections. Women don’t really want what they want, they just want to get what they want. If you turn yourself into an object instead of a human being before you know it these two best friends/enemies will be fighting over you surrounded by pillows and sheets and all sorts of toys. Threesome! Everyone wins! Most importantly, you! Hell yeah! Split your 8s.

Download:
MP3: Disco Vietnam-”The NP (Natalie Portman)”

This entry was posted on Monday, December 10th, 2007 at 1:23 pm and is filed under Disco Vietnam. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.