For Jews, Yom Kippur is the most solemn day of the year, a chance when we can reflect on the past 12 months, pay penance for our wrongdoings and sit in temple starving ourselves to death despite our stark agnosticism. It’s even less fun than it sounds. In fact, the only thing less fun than sitting in temple on Yom Kippur is listening to records made by the “artists” below. Let us say a kaddish for their careers and atone for their sins.

10. The Barenaked Ladies

“It’s been….one decade since I thought of you….cocked your head to the side and said, “you’re awful….It’s been two days since I laughed at you and quite frankly I’m not sorry.”

9. Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows

Here is a list of Jews that are allowed to wear dreadlocks:

8. Michael Bolton

And I quote:

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there’s nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it… until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm… well why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.

7. Billy Joel

Hey, I got a little something for you, Billy boy. How about retiring? And while you’re at it stop dating girls younger than your daughters. It’s gross. Props on Christie Brinkley though.
6. Carol King

Not only do you not make me feel like a natural woman, you make me feel like burning every copy of Tapestry that I can find. You’re just lucky I didn’t sue for my money back after I actually bought that snooze-fest after Rolling Stone named it one of the best 50 albums ever made.

5. Peaches

As if it wasn’t bad enough that Jewish women had to deal with the fact that they’ll never look like shiksa goddesses, they have to deal with Peaches being arguably the most famous Jewish woman singer in America despite having what appears to be a dead muskrat perched atop her forehead.

4. Matisyahu

It was about time the Jews got their own version of Dem Franchise Boyz.

3. MC Paul Barman

This man once referred to himself as a “cock mobster.” That sounds about right.
2. Barbra Streisand

1

The irony of course being that there is no such thing as “the essential” Barbra Streisand.

1. Barry Manilow

Oy.

Gevalt.

You can test how much you know with some music quizzes you can find on the web, though that’s far from the only kind of quiz out there. Depending on your tastes you can find plenty of movie quizzes that range from modern to classic-themed quiz questions, along with many different sports quizzes as well.

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This entry was posted on Friday, September 21st, 2007 at 12:38 am and is filed under Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought?, Best Of. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.