Happy Rosh Hashanah. Or as I should say to my fellow Reform Jewish brethren, congratulations on getting the day off work to go to temple, and may you celebrate that achievement by eating at least three wheelbarrows full of kugel. Good times. So in honor of the Jewish New Year, what better time than to discuss the achievements of ten of the greatest musicians to ever be saddled with an unwieldy last name. Tune in tomorrow for the riveting conclusion, the Top 10 Musicians Barred from the Sedar for Life. Maybe.

10. David Lee Roth (circa 1985)

Real Name: David Lee Roth

Why You’d Want Him at Your Sedar: Why on earth wouldn’t you want Diamond David Lee Roth at your sedar. There would be few greater things on earth than the chance to see Diamond Dave in all his spandex jumpsuit hair metal glory telling his “bubbe” about his inspired re-interpretation of the Tin Pan Alley favorite, “Just a Gigolo.” He also wrote the song “Panama.” Which is cool.

Download:
MP3: Van Halen-”Panama” (Live at Castle Donnington 8.18.1984)

9. Perry Farrell (circa 1988)

Real Name: Peretz Bernstein
Why : For the opportunity to ask whether the above photo was a during his “gay matador/hooker” phase.

Download:
MP3: Jane’s Addiction-”Jane Says”

8. Randy California of Spirit

Born: Randy Craig Wolfe
Why: For being the heart and soul of one of the most over-looked bands of the 60s and for being invited to be in the Jimi Hendrix Experience at age 15, but most importantly, for actually getting people to call him Randy California with a straight face.

Download:
MP3: Spirit-”Animal Zoo”

7. Robbie Robertson of The Band

Born: Jaime Robert Robertson
Why: Who even knew that Robbie Robertson was half-Jewish? Not me. But apparently the menschs at Jewsrock.org did. In other news, who knew there was a website called jewsrock.org?

Download:
MP3: The Band-”Up on Cripple Creek”

6. Jonathan Richman of The Modern Lovers

Born: Contrary to popular belief, Jonathan Richman was not the real name of the Modern Lovers’ lead singer. His real name was Isaac Goldberg. Richman wisely altered it to avoid anti-semitism.

Why: I’m pretty sure I went to Hebrew School once with a kid named Jonathan Richman. He was nice enough. Had curly hair, wore wool sweaters, liked the acoustic guitar. Then one day, he called me up and was like “I’m going to go to New York to sleep on Lou Reed’s couch.” I told him, Lou Reed just doesn’t let people sleep on his couch. At least with clothes on.” But he didn’t listen and the next thing I knew….

Download :
MP3: The Modern Lovers-”Pablo Picasso”

5. Joey Ramone of the Ramones

Born: Jeffrey Ross Hyman
Why: His name was Jeffrey Ross Hyman. Fuck starting punk rock. The fact that Joey Ramone made it out of Junior High Sex Ed class alive is a minor miracle.

MP3: The Ramones-” Blitzkrieg Bop”

4. Lou Reed

Born: Lewis Rabinowitz
Why: Because Lou Reed is really just a kvetching Jewish grandpa (with slightly better hair.)

MP3: The Velvet Underground-”Beginning to See the Light”

3. Marc Bolan of T. Rex

Born: Mark Feld
Why: For naming his son Rolan Bolan. Also for coming back to earth as Cam’ron.

Download:
MP3: T. Rex-”Mambo Sun”

2. Serge Gainsbourg

Born: Lucien Ginzberg
Why: Self-explanatory.

Download:
MP3: Serge Gainsbourg-”Ballade De Melody Nelson”

1. Bob Dylan

Born: Robert Allen Zimmerman
Why: Without Bob Dylan, David Lee Roth wouldn’t have known how to blow dry his hair, Serge Gainsbourg wouldn’t have known how to skeeze and Lou Reed wouldn’t know how to look like a prune. Dylan is like the Jewish Jackie Robinson. Except he’s instead of integrating major league baseball, he saved Jewish kids all across the world from having to look up to Benny Goodman.

Never Again

Download:
MP3: Bob Dylan-”Subterranean Homesick Blues”

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 13th, 2007 at 12:08 am and is filed under Are You From the Lester Bangs School of Thought?, Best Of. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.